Numbers

I am a numbers person. Love them.

As such -

27 trips taken this year (not including trips to the lake)
31 books read (thus far)
6 concerts attended
1 psycho person quasi dated

Not a bad year.

Montreal

Gone but not forgotten. That is how I've treated this blog lately. Still having an identity crisis and not sure where to take it. If anywhere.

Recently I was in Montreal for work and as much as I dreaded it.. I enjoyed it. Now, I don't claim to understand why Canadians insist on only serving Coors Light instead of my beloved Bud Select/Light but alas... It's not half bad here.

The first night I dined at Restaurant Baton Rogue and enjoyed the best Spinach Dip I've ever had. EVER. Although this was located next to the hockey stadium and it was game night so service was a tad slow.

Later I had a few beverages at the hotel bar. The bartender spoke to me in French (as they all seem to until you look as if pigs flew and they in turn begin speaking in English) and when I answered in English he said - oh, sorry you look French. I think that's their version of a compliment.

Friday after exploring a bit of downtown I had lunch at Wienstein & Gavino. Their tortellini Alfredo was yummy but the best part.....the fresh from the oven bread loaf. I am not a bread and oil person, more of a butter person but I survived. Especially when that yummy bread met my Alfredo sauce. I die.

Next up, the reason I was there. Work. And the meeting went very well.

For supper I went to a place I spied while exploring the city...Why did I choose it? Because they had Bud Light on their menu!!!!!!!!!! I nearly did cartwheels in the street!

The restaurant was Burger Bar. It was located on Crescent Street near Wienstein & Gavino. This was a really cute collection of bars and restaurants. Probably their hot spot area. The burger, their royale, was sub par at best. The hamburger meat was eh. And the bacon was not good. The cheese only somewhat melted and had that fake cheese glossiness to it. However the service and the onion rings....so yummy. The bartender was super friendly and even other servers stopped to chat. And harass me for drinking water...my beloved Bud Light.

All in all I would recommend Montreal to those who want to visit a metropolitan city with a European vibe.

Motivation for Being Single

The stage 5 clinger (S5C) continues to persist.

To catch you up we must go back in time. Two Friday's prior.

I watched the first quarter of a college football game while eating my chicken quesadilla at the bar. Then I went home. I wasn't in the mood to be out. After I left S5C showed up. With a girl.

insert happy dance here.

And then proceeded to ask my friend the bartender where I was, who was I with? Did I ask about him? Why did I leave? On and on. Of course bartender texted me to let me know what was going on. And to let me know that B was hearing his entire tirade. Others got involved telling him to drop it.

happy dance ended a long time ago.

The good part of this was that I never heard from him that night. Small victory for me.

Last Friday I was having a drink with B. I was sitting with my back to the door. B was standing with his back at the bar so from where he was standing he could see both the front and back doors. All the sudden he says - you need to go outside to the patio. I was confused. So finally I turned around and there was S5C. I said, nope, I think I just need to go home. Hoped off my bar stool and went home. S5C proceeds to text me about why did I leave. B checks to make sure I got home okay and was I being harassed?

Saturday after attending a wedding my sister, BIL and I went for a drink. My friend is bartending. She hands me her phone the second I walk in and its all of S5C's texts to her from the prior night saying. I guess its not best guy friend, she must be with B. She's sitting at the bar with him, I guess he has two houses and that must be why. On and on. He must have text her 15 times.

Then last night my sister text me to meet her for a drink. So we are sitting there and on my left is JL. S5C shows up. 5 min later I get a text from him saying - Please tell me JL isn't my replacement. I don't respond. 10 min later I get another text that says - Sorry, just trying to start a convo. So I respond and I said - I am not with JL, best guy friend or B. K? I'm not with anyone. So he responds again and says - Okay, I just don't know why you don't talk to me and stop listening to bartender she is probably not making me look good.

Okay buddy. What isn't making you look good is psycho texting. Asking anyone and their brother about me. Accusing me of sleeping with every guy I sit or stand next to. Get over it. It lasted two weeks. Not 5 years.

Where Did I Go?

Were you thinking that my bloggy world absence was caused by the possibility of a boy?

Well, it wasn't because really the demise of that would have been great blog fodder.

It's too bad really. He was very nice. We had fun.

It was just too much.

Too soon.

B's stage 5 meltdowns didn't help either, even if he shouldn't have a voice.

But B aside, it was too much.

Too soon.

And I told him that.

And he didn't get.

I said I wasn't saying never. Just not right now. I've been alone for a very long time and I need time to figure out what it is I want.

Do I even want a relationship after all?

He didn't get it.

He kept texting.

And texting.

And calling. 

Even when I wasn't responding.

Texting my friends trying to get information.

Which also turned into accusing me of sleeping with my best guy friend. Or if not him, it must be someone else, or was I diseased or pregnant?

Because it must be something if I didn't want to talk to him anymore.

No. I just need space.

I finally got 10 days of silence. I thought we could turn the page.

No, it turns out that over the holiday weekend he was texting my friend again and asking her for more and more information.

Asked best guy friend if he was the reason why I didn't want to talk anymore.

Then last night he made a comment. Which was followed by a text.

When I hadn't responded in 10 minutes I got another text basically going off on me. This went on until I finally had it. I said not nice things. That this type of behavior made me not want to talk to him again. Ever.

This type of reaction is not justified after 2 years. Let alone 2 weeks hanging out.

And this my friends is exactly why I am resigning from the dating world.

Read A Book? What?

I set a goal to read 30 books this year. I think I picked 30 as the number since I am 30.

But with 24 down now I am striving for 50 because with winter just around the corner I will just want to curl up on my sofa and read. 

So what have I been reading since I last shared?



The Brass Verdict by Michael Connelly
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Love legal books. Love Mickey Haller.








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The Reversal by Michael Connelly
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Good yet predictable.







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The Fifth Witness by Michael Connelly
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Good book that kept me intrigued but at the end felt very formulaic. I'm excited to see something new and different for Mickey Haller in his next book.





View all my reviews A Place of Yes by Bethenny Frankel
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I thought this book gives sound, frank advice about love and life. Amazing insights into her life as well.






View all my reviews All She Ever Wanted by Barbara Freethy
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Very good book. Quick read. Perfect for the pool or beach.






View all my reviews The Choice by Nicholas Sparks


My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Good book, beautiful love story but I'm afraid it could provide false hope to others in a similar situation.



View all my reviews

Everything Changes by Jonathan Tropper
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Another fabulous book by my favorite author. He can do no wrong in my opinion.






View all my reviews A Bump in the Road: From Happy Hour to Baby Shower by Maureen Lipinski
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Decidely honest book about life changes. I love the honesty in the authors voice ans was happy to see that it wasn't all roses.





View all my reviews If You Were Here: A Novel by Jen Lancaster
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Easy read in her total Jen Lancaster voice. I enjoy her witty snark.

View all my reviews

About a Boy

There may be a boy.

It is very new.

So new I am hesitant to write about it.

But he's sweet and kind and wants to spend all of his time with me.

And for the most part I am not feeling smothered. Though I do think my trip to the corporate office this week was well timed.

The discussion about my career path I am about to have, knowing I won't relocate, is not on my top 5 favorite things to do list.

But its nice to hear he wishes I were there.

It isn't without complication of the B variety.

Full fledged melt down on Friday and I fear it could happen again.

To which I say; you have no one to blame but yourself.

But there is a boy and we will see where this goes.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

My Space

I've never really had a finished bedroom.

Sure, when MX and I were together I painted and purchased bedding. But it was never fully done. I always concentrated on other rooms in the house. It was always the lowest priority.

But I am changing that now.

As I prepare for the arrival of my new bed I will be overhauling both my guest room and my bedroom.

This is a lot to accomplish by the 16th. Luckily my sister volunteered to come paint my guest room tomorrow! Such a help!

But I think I have finally settled on a look for the room.

One that is me.

One that is calm.

I'm going shopping tonight for accessories and am so excited to see this come to life. I won't be having the drapey thing or that bedframe. Rather I am in search of an old door to create a headboard...More to come.

PS - can anyone tell me how to add a Pinterest board to a blog post?

Travel Like a Child

I got up at 3 a.m. Central time for my 6 a.m. flight.

At 3:50 a.m. while printing my boarding pass I realized my flight wasn't until 7:50.

Which meant I didn't need to be up, dressed and about to leave.

So I did the mature thing and went back to bed.

I've now completed my first flight where I was in the very last row of the small plane, directly across from the restroom. By some twist of fate no one was in the set next to me.

Again, being a mature 30 year old woman I loosened my seat belt, lifted the arm rest and curled into a little ball until we touched down in Phoenix.

Since we are 30 minutes early and our gate has another plane still attached I'm stifling my inner child's desire to scream for someone to bring me Starbucks. Because I'm tired, cranky and hate work interfering with my weekends.

And I still have one more flight to go.

Hoping for an ocean view once I make it to San Diego.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The Calm

I'm hoping that August brings a sense of calm.

Since the weekend before Memorial Day I have had plans every weekend which included; a cook off, weekend at the lake, town festival, bridal shower and boat races, wedding, Vegas (part fun/part work), lake, wedding, shower/bachelorette party, shower/bachelorette party, wedding.

11 weekends.

11 weekends with plans.

This weekend I get to leave for a work trip at 6 a.m. Sunday which means a 3 a.m. wake up call.

But the weekend after that?

For the first time since May?

All mine! And I am getting a facial and an hour long massage.

The only things on the agenda for the rest of the month are attending the State Fair, duck races and overhauling my bedroom and guest room in anticipation of 2 sets of visitors later this month.

If your guest room currently looked like Rainbow Brite threw up everywhere wouldn't you want to redo it?



I can't make this up. I swear what you see is a 2 hot pink walls, a partially orange wall and 2 yellow walls with maroon shades.

Yes, in one room.

And of my 6 bedrooms, it is not the worst...

More to come on that one someday.

But it has good bones. Beautiful hardwoods and I am going to build the room around my beloved cowhide rug. 

Some inspiration ideas below.

About Nothing

The theme of life lately seems to be nothing.

I felt nothing, there was nothing....

Today this is a post about nothing.

The highlights of my life this week:

• Mowing the lawn
• 2 great workouts
• Starting a company sponsored walking program
• Draining the hot tub (it's just too hot)
• Fresh sweet corn
• Softball playoffs
• Ordering my very first bed.

In my adult life I have never bought a bed. Not even with MX. We just always seemed to collect someone elses unwanted beds and those were sufficient. But when I left I only took one bed. A full.

Now it's time to have a big girl bed.

On B's birthday my Sealy King Plush Pillowtop will be delivered.

In the spirit of the money spent on the new bed and the subsequent decorating expenses I listed 4 dresses and 3 pairs of jeans. These may or may not have been on my to do list for the last 6 months...

Don't judge.

Let the master & guest bedroom decorating begin.

If you have seen any phenomenal bedroom designs lately that can easily incorporate all white bedding - please let me know!

There Really Was Nothing

As I mentioned  MX got married this past weekend when I was in the same city on that day for a friends wedding.

I waited and waited to feel something. Anything.

But it never came. I was indifferent.

I lunched with a friend, the wife of MX's oldest friend. I learned her husband had made a point of telling MX we'd be lunching that day. The evil part of me loved that just a bit. I learned they would be attending the wedding. And I was grateful.

Grateful because I do not want to harm their relationship with him. I know they do not agree with his actions but they were friends before and I'd like them to remain that way. They are the kind of people he needs in his life, whether he knows it or not, because they are good people.

The wedding I attended. The bride had been a reception host in my wedding. One of her bridesmaids had been one of mine. Another bridesmaid and both her personal attendants had roles in my wedding. While they were taking pictures at a foutain they ran into none other than MX and wedding party 2.0. They made a point of yelling hello and watching him squirm.

And for that I may have smiled another wicked smile.

There were no tears. No feelings of sadness.

That isn't my life anymore. He has his life 2.0.

As do I.

And the only place I want to be is right here, right now.

Nothing

MX is getting married.

This weekend.

When I will be in the same city.

And I don't care.

It's weird.

I keep waiting to care but I just don't.

Suma-Suma-Summer Time

Summer is over.

It's a fact.

Once 4th of July rolls around you may as well breakout your North Face because Old Man Winter is  just around the corner.

Sorry, that may be a little dramatic.

But I am trying to take TresSugar's advice and embrace the summer that I have. Trying.

6 Reasons to Embrace Single Life This Summer

•It's all about you. Summer is a time marked by great transition and the possibility to meet people. Find yourself! See what you like, dismiss what you don't, and spend some quality time with yourself.


•Your cell phone isn't in charge. Part of me adores my cell phone and the other part wants to chuck it out my eighth floor window. Your days — and nights — are your own! There's no need to check in or be attached to your phone waiting to check in with your significant other. Your life is your own. And that's pretty empowering.

•Traveling solo. You can go anywhere you want, ask for directions when you want, and check out the sights that interest you. The process can be a little overwhelming, but once you embrace the fact that you can get around on your own, there's nothing more uplifting for your confidence.

•Music festival freedom. Music festival romances are magic. If you've been on one of these adventures, you know what I'm talking about. You're entranced in the music. You're feeling open and welcoming. And out of nowhere on your right appears the most gorgeous guy you've ever seen who lives across the country. Welcome to your next three days.

•Butterflies in your belly. That feeling is totally indescribable. And you can have it as much as you want! There's nothing like meeting someone for the first time.

•Girls-only grilling. No more domineering males to take over the grill. Grab your girlfriends together for a day full of sunshine, booze, and BBQ. On second thought, maybe the BBQ should come before the boozing.

•The end of wedding season. Line up those groomsmen and take your pick. Who says the rules of Wedding Crashers apply just for dudes?

If It Is What He Wants...

According to the August issue of Cosmopolitan magazine Justin Timerblake says "The Sexy Confidence Guys Love" involves the following:

• Don't Give a Damn. Uh...I have this mastered. In fact, my friends say this makes me unapproachable but JT says desirable...
• Tell an X-rated joke. I've got this mastered and the dirty mouth to boot. I consider this a personal weakness but again...if JT loves it...
• Know your style. In my late 20's and now early 30's I think I am finally finding my way with this one. I am not a fashionista but you won't find me on a worst dressed list either.
• Try Anything Once. Aside from certain foods - game on.
• Let Him Do All The Work. As much as I enjoy taking control I love it more when its the guy who knows what he wants and goes for it.
• Own Your Emotions. Ha. Check.
• Be a Babe Among Boys. I am a guys girl personified.
• Call Him Out. Again, check.

So, my question today -

If the above is what JT wants anybody want to hook me up?

But maybe what I should be asking is -

If the above is true...why do I have zero luck in the dating world?

Why

Why don't things work out for you two?
Why?
Why?
Why don't you walk away?
That question I can answer.
Texts at 5:43 a.m. telling me to have a good flight (at 6 a.m.) make it impossible.
For me.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

A Miss

Over the 4th I had a fabulous weekend.

It was reminiscent of the first weekend I spent at this lake. The weekend that brought me B.

He's still there by the way. I don't know that anyone expected that he wouldn't.

In 3 days I was on 3 different boats.

Day 1 the Roy boat.
Day 2 the J boat.
Day 3 the G boat.

Roy & J tie up together.

On Day 2 the Roy boat had a boy on it I had never met.

We shall call him Farmer.

Farmer introduced himself to me.

Day goes on.

Farmer asks what my story is.

I ask what he means.

Single? Boyfriend? Love of your life?

I laugh and say no, just simply single.

We chat.

He gets called away.

The J boat has to go home.

That evening a girl from the Roy boat mentions that I should date Farmer. She says we are the same age, both single and she thinks we would get along well.

Later as the outdoor bar is closing and I am headed to bed I see Farmer again. He gets a big smile on his face and says hi to me. But we are headed in opposite directions.

No worries I think. I will surely run into him tomorrow. But the G boat doesn't tie up with the Roy or the J. 

Oh there is always FB, I will friend him.

But he is not on FB.

So I suppose, if its meant to be I will run into him with the Roy boat crew once again.

Overachieved

At 18 I graduated high school and entered college as a sophomore.
At 21 I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration with a concentration in Marketing and started my first sales job.
At 22 I received my first professional promotion.
At 23 I was engaged and purchased my first home.
At 24 I received my Masters in Business Administration and was married.
At 25 I purchased my second home.
At 26 I became a sales manager responsible for the development of various sales peoples careers and an annual business plan that meant hundreds of millions of dollars of revenue.
At 27 I thought I had the most perfect, well established life.
At 28 I discovered my husband had an affair and we divorced.
At 29 I moved back to my home area while simultaneously advancing my career and purchased my 3rd and likely forever home.

Do you see why at 30 I wonder if I have anything left to do in life?

Or is this it?

Have I achieved all that I have to achieve? Am I on the downward slope?

I'm not complaining. I've had a pretty cool life and with that some pretty crappy happenings. But that is what makes it life. Not a fairy tale.

But tonight I wonder what is next?

Coming Full Circle

Two years ago I prepped for a trip not knowing what it would bring. What I didn't realize was that it would bring clarity.

The trip that would help me truly begin to move on, to begin my life again. 

I found acceptance in where my life stood. I wondered if I was ready to move on?

It was on that trip that B came into my life and has stayed on some level ever since. Even when we have tried to not be.

He made me believe in myself. He made me laugh. He made me smile again. He showed me everything I want in a man. For that I will always be grateful.

Maybe two years later we will actually get the closure we both need. Whether we really want it or not. It is one of those inevitable things you cannot avoid forever.

Until the day we are content enough to only be friends.

Don't Call it a Comeback

Two posts in two days does not a comeback make.

I appreciate everyone who shared their thoughts, well wishes and tales of commiseration.

I know I am not on this path alone and for that I am thankful.

I just can't help but be a bit envious of some. One girlfriend was barely single a day. Had many guys throwing themselves at her and one ended up being, at least for now, the one.

Two other friends who divorced just prior to me; remarried.

Another friend, so busy on trips to visit boys who fly her out to see them.

And yet, I can't find one.

I love the life I have. I am not curled in a ball crying about my poor, poor pitiful life. I just actually want someone else with me to enjoy it.

I do love being able to eat what I want and when I want. That I don't have to run trip plans past anyone. That the only approval I have to seek is that of my own.

But still. I want that person. The one that I call when things go well. Or when they don't. A warm smile. Lazy Sundays curled up.

I also want B gone.

I also want B to never to leave.

So it makes things hard. Because being a walking contradiction is tiring.

I just want something. Someone quality.

Consider this a tale in what I don't want:

Last night a guy came up and tried to hit on me. His breath was so bad I literally jerked back in reaction to the smell. He later bought me a beer. And mind you this is after I played softball in the rain. I was a hot mess looking like a drowned rat. Standing outside the local watering hole his friends piped up to ask my two friends if I had a boyfriend. The one knew I would not be interested and said that I did. The other, not catching on, says no. The boys say which is it. I shrug to which the original pursuer says - Guess she was just after a free drink.

No. Actually I wasn't. You sought me out. I declined. You bought me a beer anyway and kept trying.

Not what I want.

Absence

I haven't written in a while and honestly just thought that I wouldn't again.

I felt my time here had been served. There is nothing new to tell.

In truth, I feel stuck.

Stuck in the fact that I have not managed to formally move on in the sense of a new relationship. I'm still here. Still single. Still no one interested in me.

Yes, I make it difficult. I have a tendency to be closed off, unapproachable at times.

A defense mechanism at its best.

But it's within reason. People I am not and will not ever be interested in. Men aged 50+. Those acting like total jack@$$es and thinking their "hit on" techniques are cute.

I don't want that.

I want something specific.

But recently I have been trying to make peace with the fact that this may be it.

Perhaps my purpose going forward is to be alone.

And that isn't what I want.

I want someone. I don't want to have to do everything alone all the time.

I think about things, doing things, buying things and I wish that I had a someone to do them with.

I don't want to be the girl who is always doing it on her own.

Can I?

Yes.

But that isn't the life I want to live.

But here I am...Two years plus of being single. Alone.

Book Review: Diary of a Mad Fat Girl

Diary of a Mad Fat Girl by Stephanie McAfee

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Super easy, quick, and I mean QUICK read. It is 125 pages! I basically read it in one night. Its a cute story and would be a good vacation/rainy day read.



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Book Review: Mockingjay

Book #11. Goal for 2011 - 30.

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


This series from start to finish was excellent. Unlike the Dragon tattoo series that is difficult to start and then takes off this series holds you from the start. I love that the main character has such a different take on herself than that of those that love here. I think that is an accurate depiction of life in general. While the ending is rather expected I was disappointed in what seemed to be a rather malicious killing fo someone close the main character. I am not sure that I found it necessary to the plot. I only hope that movies do the book justice and that my dreams of partaking in the Hunger Games subside.



And yes, I stayed home on a Friday to finish this book.



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Book Review

When you finish 3 books in 5 days it means lots of book posts by me which actually times out well as I debate the future of this little site.

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Like the Dragon Tattoo series the second book is even better than the first. Likely because you are already vested in the characters and understand their motivations. Excited to start the third!



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Probably going to have yet another review in a few days as I am about to start the 3rd book in the series!

Book Reviews

The Lincoln Lawyer by Michael Connelly

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I saw the movie first, literally the day after I purchased the book on my Nook. As usual the book is better than the movie yet there are liberties taken in the movie, plot sequence etc, that I actual preferred.



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The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Absolutely loved this book. The characters are engaging, yet I think there could have been more done with Gale. Overall, a great story/triology that has me fully engaged.



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Random Thoughts/Musings on Life, Love and My Face

This post is going to be a bit random but it seems that I have spent more time taking pictures than writing as of late. Partially because I am editing myself and what I share about happenings with B and partially because I am just at that typical blogger impasse where I wonder if it even matters. Does anyone even care? If they do, why?

Moving on...bare in mind I am bit grumpy and the following is my opinion and mine only.

I blame TV.

I was talking with a friend recently who is going through her own breakup. After two years and much strain she put an end to the relationship. She and I were talking about the demise and how we try and focus on the good memories. She said maybe if she waited he would change, after all Big did for Carrie. I said that was the problem with TV/movies. They all leave us believing that people will change. That we will get a Hollywood ending. When really we should listen to what they tell us. Typically guys don't lie, we just don't listen when they don't say what we want to hear. The bad boy doesn't really change to good. The boy who broke your heart doesn't turn around and apologize because he realized he couldn't live without you.

Newsflash. That isn't life.

I think I hold onto relationships long after I should because I fear failing. I hate failing at anything. I am just sure that if I try hard enough, work hard enough they will work out. I stay because I believe. I believe because I want my happy ending. I want someone to curl up with, legs slipped over his lap while I hear about his day and telling him about mine. The hug when I come through the door, someone to welcome me home.

But maybe that isn't in the cards for me. At least its not my reality right now.

I'm sick of being involved. I'm sick of being reminded how much I laughed, smiled and plain got butterflies over every and any interaction. I miss him on a daily basis but I can't let it consume me. I have to stay away. He has. So that tells me that part of what I thought was there is not. And yes, that is what I asked for. It is what I say I want. So can I blame him for giving it to me?

But really what I want is change. The change that should have happened a year and a half ago. The one that has been discussed so many times but never happened. Because it never will. Not for me.

But unlike with MX I will not regret something that once made me smile.

No Strings Attached would have gotten it right if only they hadn't ended up together in the end. In real life, she would not have reciprocated his feelings. She would have said no. She would have broken his heart.

Stepping off soapbox now. Rant complete.

I'm headed to Vegas in 8 days. That means time by the pool, sun and fun. Sunglass Hut gift cards via my Discover Cashback bonus, are en route to replace the Ray Ban's lost in fun. Something to look forward to...Maybe I will win a little money and acquire the jeans I covet all mentioned in the prior post. They are all I have left on that list!

In other news...my favorite new things is my Olay ProX. I am terrible with my skin. I love to tan both in beds and in the sun. I don't wear sunscreen, I simply worship at the alter of bronzed skin. I get facials a couple times per year but lets face it. I am getting older. For $30 I jumped on it. I used it for the first time today and my skin already feels better. Double bonus that it was super relaxing. I will keep you posted on my love as time progresses but I think this is one relationship built for the long haul.

Day 38: Vultures

I love my dogs.

They love me...Mostly when I'm eating and they think I might divert my attention long enough for them to steal a bite.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Day 37: Headed Home

40 minutes between flights and a Wendy's cheeseburger as I make my way home.

There is no place like home.

There is no place like home.

There is no place like home.

Side note: Why do all airports have such heinous carpet?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The Questions I Will Never Have Answered

I want to write about it. I want to explain it all.

I want everyone to understand it all.

Mostly I want to tell him that I miss him. That even though I know it
is the right move for both of us, I second guess myself everyday.

I wonder if I'm on your mind at all...

When you read what I wrote, what did you think? Or did you just hit
delete and go on with your day?

Why was something, predicted by so many never able to come together?

Do you miss me?

Why does it hurt so much to lose someone you never really had?

Day 36: Dinner on the Road

Day 35: Work Travel

And so begins that packing process. Again!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Day 32: Realism

The real side of being single. All salad plates and cereal bowls.

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Day 31: Comfort Food

Tough day. Personally and professionally. Nothing major, just changes and challenges.

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Day 30: Magically Delicious

My favorite cereal, Lucky Charms. I eat like a 5 year old.

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Day 29: Groomers

Back from the groomers and all spiffed up!

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Day 28: Workout Binder

When you eat like this:

You have to workout. I do not have healthy eating habits. My favorite foods are rich, creamy and fried. So I workout a lot to try and combat the effect that food has on my waistline. I am quasi effective.

In order to keep from getting bored I keep a workout binder on hand to change things up a bit. I read a lot of fitness and health magazines and when I see a workout I think would be fun/challenging/effective/hard/beneficial I rip it out. I had a fabulous binder about 2 years ago but lost it and have been slowly working on rebuilding. It has become my new Monday ritual.

So what do you need to get started?

A selection of magazines. While I use Shape, Women's Health and Health the most I pull workouts from anywhere. I have been known to use star workouts from US Weekly and routines/tips found in Glamour, InStyle and Real Simple.

Some friends to keep you company. 

Start tearing out the workouts you find interesting. 

Place the workouts in sheet protectors. 

And place in your pretty binder. 



I keep the various workouts organized inside the binder by utilizing tabs that keep them divided by body part. The tabs I use include:

• Abs
• Butt
• Arms
• Legs
• Full Body
• Bikini Body
• Running/Tri Plans
• Yoga

The binder goes with me to the gym and when I travel. Many of the workouts are designed to workout at home or with little to no equipment which makes them ideal for on the road.

Reader Notes:

Yes, the significance of the Surf Ballroom is that it is the place "Where Music Died." Great job. Gary Allan was my third concert at this historic location. If you like music history at all I recommend Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman. Great book.

Bud Light is a fabulous beer.

Day 27: Lazy Sunday

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Day 26: Whitetails

I am happy anywhere I go.

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Day 25: Music History

Bonus points for anyone who knows what significance the Surf hold in terms of music history.
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Day 24: Kenny Chesney

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Day 23: TRX Suspension Training

This could be the cause of my death.

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Day 22: A Movie Date

Typical day...
Work
Workout
Work more
(Catching on that I'm working out over my lunch hour?)
Clean my house
Call from my sister - want to see a movie?
Finish cleaning house
Mad dash to our new and improved Target (the mecca)
Lincoln Lawyer. So good. Go see it. Now!
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Book Review: Plan B

Plan B by Jonathan Tropper

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Book #7 in 2011.
This is the 3rd book I have read by Jonathan Tropper, the second recommended by one of my favorite, now defunct blog writers. Again, I must say, I LOVE his books.

Sure the plot gets slightly stretched; I mean, really? Kidnapping a major Hollywood star? But I think it is done to show how far you would be willing to go for a friend in need.

I love how each character had their own viewpoint of where their friends were in their life at 30 and how each couldn't see the others silent suffering. Largely due to the fact that I turned 30 this year and my life is not where I thought it would be - I mean I never thought I would be 30, divorced and single with no prospects. But this book reminds that its okay. I will get to where I am supposed to be in due time and I am not alone. I just need to look at the sea of 30 somethings surrounding me and realize that we all have dreams yet to be fulfilled and things we wish we had done differently. It is simply life.



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Day 21: Little Things

Work
Workout (12 min row, 30 min run, abs)
Work some more
Purchase concert tickets for April 23
Walk the dogs (1.5 miles)
Walk to tan
See B four times during walks
Exchange texts only comical to us
Grill a bacon cheddar burger, twice baked potato and cheesy corn
Clean the kitchen
Settle in to work on the workout binder (a 3 ring binder broken out into tabs for each body part or workout type and comprised of all the workouts I see in Women's Health, Shape or Health)
Listen to TV while reading my latest book on my Nook Color.

Little things make me happy.
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Day 17: March Madness

Tis the season! So far I'm entered in 2 pools, 1 more to go!

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Small Things, Big Moments

There are some days that are so wrapped in perfection that you almost do not even realize they are here.

Sure, I woke up today unable to get out of bed in time to go to the gym. I cursed daylights savings time for wrecking my sleep pattern and made my coffee while feeding the dogs and cat.

I delved into work and it was a good day. Things went well. Progress was made. My boss was in a good mood and said encouraging words that reminded me I am good at what I do.

I had a great workout over the lunch hour. I felt strong.

Items were listed on CraigsList to sell. My sister brought me my work saddle and the hunt seat saddle I am buying from her.

We went to pick up items we purchased from a party and to the store.

When I returned home it was still nice. Sunny.

A benefit from that daylight savings I had been cursing just a few short hours ago.

I took the dogs, my fat kids, on a walk. We enjoyed the fresh air. We enjoyed the sun.

When we returned home I opted not to go to yoga in order to grill a filet a twice baked potato. Yes, on the grill. Where I didn't freeze. I stood outside in cropped running pants and hooded sweatshirt and grilled a steak to medium rare perfection.

It was so good.

I wiped down the kitchen, dusted the main floor and curled up on the couch to read a magazine, start a new book and watch some mindless TV.

Nothing major happened today. I didn't have anyone special to share it with.

In fact, you are probably wondering why I even wrote this post.

But I wrote it because nothing happened. Yet, on this day, I am happy. Content. Satisfied.

Day 15: Just Grillin

Its nearly Spring. Its warm(ish).

Its the second day I've taken the fat kids, aka my dogs on a walk, and the FIRST day I've busted out the grill.

A 4 oz filet and a twice baked potato.

Yum.

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Well, hm...

So last night I watched the finale of the Bachelor.

I identified with something the winner said.

Do I believe in this process? No, I don't.

Simply look at the lack of successes the show has generated. Heck, one they now tout was actually the girl he didn't choose but rather left the winner for after the show and subsequently married.

I do find this to be mildly entertaining on Monday nights when there isn't much else to choose from.

But I was surprised to find myself not liking Emily during After the Final Rose. And its not that I didn't necessarily like her, its more that she seemed so much colder.

I get what she was saying.

If he did fall for her she shouldn't have had to see him say many of the same things to the other girls. I get that. I truly believe that.

I like that she recognizes that they fell in love in extraordinary circumstances and wants to take time to figure out if they can sustain under the day to day pressures of life.

That could be one of the most mature comments ever made on the show.

But the warm southern belle with manners spun in gold seemed so frozen.

I think it bothered me because I saw myself.

I saw the defensive walls. The protectiveness. The "I'm going to push you away so that you can't push me first" mentality. 

Should I ever truly start this dating process again it is something to be cognizant of as I navigate the waters.

As Heard on Reality TV

"Unfortunately I am painfully insecure. I have a tendency to over analyze everything and second guess everything. I don't think any girl wants to get their heartbroken and I don't either."

As said by Emily on the Bachelor.

This is me.

Exactly me.

Nailed it.

That's me.
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Day 14: Downfalls of Working From Home

Sometimes "someone" would like your attention.
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Day 13: Obsessed

I'm obsessed. I love my Nook Color.

Magazines.

Books.

All in one.

I take it with me everywhere.

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Day 11: Friends

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Am I Wrong?

I have 2 good guy friends. B & J.

You have heard a lot about B. We are very close.

J is also a good friend. I see him only as a friend. Others indicate that he would like more. But he has never expressed this to me.

B & J are good friends.

J, to my knowledge, does not know about the complicated past, present and future with B.

I also know a lot about his past relationships, views on relationships etc. It's a solid friendship.

But am I wrong that he is often the one that I go to when I need something?

I jokingly asked him to help me move into my house and he did.

If I need a ride home, he takes me.

I needed a bowling partner for an upcoming charity fundraiser, he is my partner.

I was testing a new app on my iPhone that allows you to play music on a jukebox without leaving your spot in the bar, or in my case, my home - he helped me test. I had asked B first but he wasn't there. When I told him the test was complete he said - let me guess who you asked...

So my question is...knowing he would like more, am I taking advantage by asking him for these things? Or am I being a total girl and over thinking because age old wisdom says guys and girls can't be friends?

Day 10: After

We saw the disgrace that was my desk last week.

It seriously gave me the he-be-ge-bees.

Well now boys and girls...we have an after to share.

Other areas of the room still need my attention.

It needs painted.

Degrees need hung on the walls.

Files and shelves need purged (and I have only lived here 4 months - wait, 4 months? Crazy how time flies!).

But now I can sit at my desk and work and not feel as though I should be profiled on Hoarders.

Readers note: the single shoe on the desk is actually not mine. When I was in Phoenix last Fall for the NASCAR race one of the girls that left prior to me left her shoe in the room. Here it sits, waiting to be mailed. 5 months later.

Book Reviews

Continuing my work towards 30 books in my 30th year...

Shopaholic and Baby by Sophie Kinsella

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I'm not sure if it's the fact that I am older and hopefully somewhat wiser but in reading this book I was annoyed by the books heroine. Grow up. You are having a child. You must show some maturity at some point. However, I will finish out the series because once I start something I must finish it.



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Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I absolutely loved this book. Love may be an understatement. It has a bit of a Notebook vibe to it but the story is as much about his love for her as his passion in animals. I was first interested because of the trailer for the upcoming film starring Reece Witherspoon. I do hope the film does the book justice.



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I would love suggestions on books you have read and enjoyed. Please share!