Sunday, September 27, 2009

Ice Breaker

I think Ice Breakers are dumb.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

But at a JL meeting earlier this week I participated in an interesting one...

If the story of your life were made into a movie; who would play you and who would play your love interest?

Reese Witherspoon
Kieffer Sutherland (love Jack Bauer & his man-bag o' tricks)

So, who would you pick?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Meet Me

Or see me rather.

When I started this I didn't want anyone to know who I was or what I looked like. While I am not going to start posting my address or social security number I am finally ready to show you me...

If you have been reading this from the beginning you know that the last 7 months have been tougher than anything I have ever experienced in my life.

So here is a picture of me out with my friends. The first night I really went out since this entire ordeal began. I was fine.

So, its nice to meet you...



Wednesday, September 16, 2009

D Day

I arrived at 9 a.m.

I went in as a married woman.

At 9:17 a.m. I left.


It was a tough morning but one I had prepared for. I knew it was coming.

In a lot of ways I had known since February 11th. The day I found out.

Shortly thereafter I told my sister that I didn't know what would happen between us but if I didn't try...If I didn't try to save my marriage I would never forgive myself.

I did try.

I did what I could.

In the end it wasn't enough.

As tough as it was to walk into that courtroom at least I knew I had tried.

September 15th wasn't the day the marriage ended. It was over long before.

It was simply the formality.

Monday, September 14, 2009


Tomorrow is the day its officially over.

It's been "over" longer than even I knew but still.

Tomorrow its really over.

Tomorrow I hope for strength.

I just want to get through with my dignity.

I don't want him to see me cry one more tear.

I still don't know how I ended up here.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

When Will I Grow Up

I am watching the MTV VMA's.

I am 28.

I don't recognize some of the presenters and have never heard of their shows.

I think I am out of touch and need to give up!


Its weird when I tell people that I have a court date and they say "Congratulations."

Its weird that people ask if I am excited.

Its weird that when I went out for a 30th birthday party and started a tab I realized it was probably the last time I would have a tab under my married name.

Its just weird.

I still don't understand how this is my life. Or how I got here.

I am not sad exactly; I have moved past those feelings. I guess in some ways the situation is surreal.

Friends have offered to go with me on Tuesday but its probably best to go on my own. I know that there will be tears. Its still the death of my marriage. I just don't want to let him see me cry. Not again.

Friday, September 11, 2009

You Know You Are Single When...

You don't fill an entire trash bag in a week.

You open your dishwasher and see butter knives and appetizer plates because that is all a PB&J need.

You haven't used your oven in months.

Your friends try to set you up.

You update your blog on a Friday night and that is the highlight of your evening.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I Cried Today

Today I cried and I don't entirely know why. It happened when I was getting MS2BX's car title out of the filing cabinet. Tomorrow he is taking the title, the lien release (a nice document they send you when you pay your car off) and a general affidavit to remove my name from his car title.

Out of nowhere the tears came.

Maybe it was because when I was going through the file cabinet I found the picture of our wedding party at the alter. The one I kept meaning to frame and mat.

Just hadn't gotten around to it yet.

Now I never will.

The one thing I don't know how to handle is the pictures.

Pictures from the wedding and from six years of a life together. Pictures with friends, family, events. Where do they go? In a box? Tucked away? Or to digital heaven and a physical trash bin?

I recycled the stationary I had made for us...that was easy enough.

There is no more us.

There is MS2BX.

There is me.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

A Date!

No, not that kind of date.


I never thought, especially reading back through this, this and especially this, that I would be relieved to have this day draw near.

September 15th, 2009 at 9 a.m.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Key Learnings

This week K learned not to throw away an iPod adapter without first disconnecting the iPod.

I learned not to drive off with my cell sitting on my bumper. Its now MIA.


This Single Girls First

This whole dating process is new to me. I never enjoyed it in my pre-married years. Didn't do a lot of it. No desire to date around. Its just not me.

I have had two serious relationships; my high school/college boyfriend that I dated for five years and the six years I spent with MS2BX. In between the two (about a year between them) I dated a bit but just enjoyed being on my own for the most part.

This experience is...


Thing is, I am not actively dating. I am not "putting myself out there." I really enjoy being on my own.

For the most part I sit at home with my best friend grilling and drinking a few beers on the deck. At most, a weekend trip home to spend time with my sister and her husband.

I dipped my toe back in with the boy who made me laugh and smile. But that was followed with our goodbye.

Now there is another boy from back home.

But I am not interested. At all. Not even in a humor-him-just-get-out-and-have-fun kinda way.

So the first?

Thanks for the offer but for now I am just flying solo.

At least it was by email.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Dollar Dollar Bills Ya'll

One of my favorite blogs to read is Everyday Adventures of Me in the City. She lives a life I don't want to lead (city living, public transport, online dating whereas I yearn for a quiet life in the country) yet I find myself living vicariously through her pursuits. Today she had quite the intriguing post that struck a chord.

See, the last few weeks I have been buying a lottery ticket. Can't hurt right?

$1 here, $1 there...maybe $2 for the power play option...

But I haven't had one number match. NOT ONE. Give a girl a break already. Can't I get one little match?

But oh have I ever pondered what I would do with the money...

I would:

  • Buy MS2BX out of this house so I could just walk away
  • Save & invest
  • Change my cell phone number
  • Get in touch with my financial planner & attorney
  • Save & invest
  • Buy the little acreage (yes, the same one I would buy now) I have had my eye on since April and convince the people who farm around it to sell me one little neighboring acre so I could comfortably have horses
  • Buy the horse I have been pining for the last several years. While I would increase my budget a wouldn't be much
  • Purchase a truck and trailer (4 horse with living quarters)
  • Save & invest
  • Workout a way to pay off my mom's condo without her knowing and divert her mortgage payment to a savings fund so that she has a retirement fund.
  • Pay my sisters house off
  • Save & invest

Nope. Not Yet

Still no court date. Still waiting.

But still making progress.

Because of the fabulousness that is Facebook I have recently seen a plethora of pictures of MS2BX and his girlfriend posted by mutual friends.

And yet...they don't bother me anymore.

Sure, I am not jumping for joy at seeing them. But they don't make me well-up with tears or make my stomach drop.

They may prompt a snide comment or two, because well...after all I am human.

But I know I am going to be fine.

I don't need anyone in my life who would take me granted.