Don't Call it a Comeback

Two posts in two days does not a comeback make.

I appreciate everyone who shared their thoughts, well wishes and tales of commiseration.

I know I am not on this path alone and for that I am thankful.

I just can't help but be a bit envious of some. One girlfriend was barely single a day. Had many guys throwing themselves at her and one ended up being, at least for now, the one.

Two other friends who divorced just prior to me; remarried.

Another friend, so busy on trips to visit boys who fly her out to see them.

And yet, I can't find one.

I love the life I have. I am not curled in a ball crying about my poor, poor pitiful life. I just actually want someone else with me to enjoy it.

I do love being able to eat what I want and when I want. That I don't have to run trip plans past anyone. That the only approval I have to seek is that of my own.

But still. I want that person. The one that I call when things go well. Or when they don't. A warm smile. Lazy Sundays curled up.

I also want B gone.

I also want B to never to leave.

So it makes things hard. Because being a walking contradiction is tiring.

I just want something. Someone quality.

Consider this a tale in what I don't want:

Last night a guy came up and tried to hit on me. His breath was so bad I literally jerked back in reaction to the smell. He later bought me a beer. And mind you this is after I played softball in the rain. I was a hot mess looking like a drowned rat. Standing outside the local watering hole his friends piped up to ask my two friends if I had a boyfriend. The one knew I would not be interested and said that I did. The other, not catching on, says no. The boys say which is it. I shrug to which the original pursuer says - Guess she was just after a free drink.

No. Actually I wasn't. You sought me out. I declined. You bought me a beer anyway and kept trying.

Not what I want.