I haven't written in a while and honestly just thought that I wouldn't again.
I felt my time here had been served. There is nothing new to tell.
In truth, I feel stuck.
Stuck in the fact that I have not managed to formally move on in the sense of a new relationship. I'm still here. Still single. Still no one interested in me.
Yes, I make it difficult. I have a tendency to be closed off, unapproachable at times.
A defense mechanism at its best.
But it's within reason. People I am not and will not ever be interested in. Men aged 50+. Those acting like total jack@$$es and thinking their "hit on" techniques are cute.
I don't want that.
I want something specific.
But recently I have been trying to make peace with the fact that this may be it.
Perhaps my purpose going forward is to be alone.
And that isn't what I want.
I want someone. I don't want to have to do everything alone all the time.
I think about things, doing things, buying things and I wish that I had a someone to do them with.
I don't want to be the girl who is always doing it on her own.
But that isn't the life I want to live.
But here I am...Two years plus of being single. Alone.