Friday, March 11, 2011

Am I Wrong?

I have 2 good guy friends. B & J.

You have heard a lot about B. We are very close.

J is also a good friend. I see him only as a friend. Others indicate that he would like more. But he has never expressed this to me.

B & J are good friends.

J, to my knowledge, does not know about the complicated past, present and future with B.

I also know a lot about his past relationships, views on relationships etc. It's a solid friendship.

But am I wrong that he is often the one that I go to when I need something?

I jokingly asked him to help me move into my house and he did.

If I need a ride home, he takes me.

I needed a bowling partner for an upcoming charity fundraiser, he is my partner.

I was testing a new app on my iPhone that allows you to play music on a jukebox without leaving your spot in the bar, or in my case, my home - he helped me test. I had asked B first but he wasn't there. When I told him the test was complete he said - let me guess who you asked...

So my question is...knowing he would like more, am I taking advantage by asking him for these things? Or am I being a total girl and over thinking because age old wisdom says guys and girls can't be friends?


  1. I struggle with this as well. I always make good guy friends, and then they become my go-to person. They tend to like me romantically while I adore them as a friend. I don't know if it's taking advantage of them when you truly want them around. I just hate that we can't all be on the same page.

  2. That's a tough one. Reading this leading into your question, I wondered the same thing - are you taking advantage because you know he'd like more. I think deep down, perhaps you are, or perhaps you are just very comfortable with him as your friend, and know he'd help if you need a favor. I sometimes do that with my ex, or used to, before I met M, because I know he'd help, in part because of his guilt over the past, and because I know he cares for me, as a friend (now). I don't think the things you are asking of him are overly demanding or truly taking advantage and you are smart enough to know where that line is.

  3. I think in oder for you to be able to answer this question, you need to first have a conversation with him. It doesn't have to be an overly serious conversation but I think if the opportunity comes up for you to ask him what he really feels for you, you should.

  4. Hi SO@28, I think your blog is great; at the very least, it's encouraging & dare I say - inspirational.
    In my humble opinion, you would only be taking advantage of J if you're acting under a genuine belief that he wouldn't respond as willingly to your requests (or you), if you expressed to him how you really felt towards anything more than a solid guy-girl platonic friendship with him.
    This seems to be affecting you (rather your conscience) more than it does him, so perhaps you should talk about his feelings when the opportunity arises.
    Maybe some faith in your friendship with J is in order?!