So last night I watched the finale of the Bachelor.
I identified with something the winner said.
Do I believe in this process? No, I don't.
Simply look at the lack of successes the show has generated. Heck, one they now tout was actually the girl he didn't choose but rather left the winner for after the show and subsequently married.
I do find this to be mildly entertaining on Monday nights when there isn't much else to choose from.
But I was surprised to find myself not liking Emily during After the Final Rose. And its not that I didn't necessarily like her, its more that she seemed so much colder.
I get what she was saying.
If he did fall for her she shouldn't have had to see him say many of the same things to the other girls. I get that. I truly believe that.
I like that she recognizes that they fell in love in extraordinary circumstances and wants to take time to figure out if they can sustain under the day to day pressures of life.
That could be one of the most mature comments ever made on the show.
But the warm southern belle with manners spun in gold seemed so frozen.
I think it bothered me because I saw myself.
I saw the defensive walls. The protectiveness. The "I'm going to push you away so that you can't push me first" mentality.
Should I ever truly start this dating process again it is something to be cognizant of as I navigate the waters.
putting up protective walls...very hard to undo once you get into that mode. I have a close friend who has the wall of China of defensive 'don't hurt me' walls up and it just makes me sad because I know she's there mentally (wanting to date and explore finding love) but she can't put the wall down. It is really something to be cognizant of and try to move forward from. Difficult, yes, but worth it.
ReplyDeleteI think there's a difference between being cautious and putting up walls. I don't watch 'The Bachelor' because most of the people give me a headache (they're all suspiciously like wax figures come to life), but I'm assuming girl was just being cautious, seeing as how they fell in love on national TV. Which can "create" a pretty vague reality.
ReplyDeleteBe cautious, always. And ask yourself if you're just being healthy and mature, or putting up those walls.
...I'll step off the soapbox now.
Yeah, she bothered me a little too both during the finale and the after the rose ceremony. Brad seems so sincere about loving her. But I saw where she was coming from. I don't think I could have watched him with all those other girls. Hopefully the walls will come down for you someday.
ReplyDeleteStory of my life. I definitely push men away from me because...well, I don't trust many people with my heart. I was in a relationship where I gave and gave, only to have him not reciprocate. The guy I'm seeing now is constantly trying to knock down my walls...and I'm trying to let him because he seems decent...but it seems so unnatural to me. I dunno. Maybe one day we will both be able to trust again.
ReplyDeleteI get that protective wall concept for sure. I'd rather run the other way or be the one to do the hurt, rather than get hurt ... again. It's a tough balance.
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