Thursday, April 7, 2011

Random Thoughts/Musings on Life, Love and My Face

This post is going to be a bit random but it seems that I have spent more time taking pictures than writing as of late. Partially because I am editing myself and what I share about happenings with B and partially because I am just at that typical blogger impasse where I wonder if it even matters. Does anyone even care? If they do, why?

Moving on...bare in mind I am bit grumpy and the following is my opinion and mine only.

I blame TV.

I was talking with a friend recently who is going through her own breakup. After two years and much strain she put an end to the relationship. She and I were talking about the demise and how we try and focus on the good memories. She said maybe if she waited he would change, after all Big did for Carrie. I said that was the problem with TV/movies. They all leave us believing that people will change. That we will get a Hollywood ending. When really we should listen to what they tell us. Typically guys don't lie, we just don't listen when they don't say what we want to hear. The bad boy doesn't really change to good. The boy who broke your heart doesn't turn around and apologize because he realized he couldn't live without you.

Newsflash. That isn't life.

I think I hold onto relationships long after I should because I fear failing. I hate failing at anything. I am just sure that if I try hard enough, work hard enough they will work out. I stay because I believe. I believe because I want my happy ending. I want someone to curl up with, legs slipped over his lap while I hear about his day and telling him about mine. The hug when I come through the door, someone to welcome me home.

But maybe that isn't in the cards for me. At least its not my reality right now.

I'm sick of being involved. I'm sick of being reminded how much I laughed, smiled and plain got butterflies over every and any interaction. I miss him on a daily basis but I can't let it consume me. I have to stay away. He has. So that tells me that part of what I thought was there is not. And yes, that is what I asked for. It is what I say I want. So can I blame him for giving it to me?

But really what I want is change. The change that should have happened a year and a half ago. The one that has been discussed so many times but never happened. Because it never will. Not for me.

But unlike with MX I will not regret something that once made me smile.

No Strings Attached would have gotten it right if only they hadn't ended up together in the end. In real life, she would not have reciprocated his feelings. She would have said no. She would have broken his heart.

Stepping off soapbox now. Rant complete.

I'm headed to Vegas in 8 days. That means time by the pool, sun and fun. Sunglass Hut gift cards via my Discover Cashback bonus, are en route to replace the Ray Ban's lost in fun. Something to look forward to...Maybe I will win a little money and acquire the jeans I covet all mentioned in the prior post. They are all I have left on that list!

In other favorite new things is my Olay ProX. I am terrible with my skin. I love to tan both in beds and in the sun. I don't wear sunscreen, I simply worship at the alter of bronzed skin. I get facials a couple times per year but lets face it. I am getting older. For $30 I jumped on it. I used it for the first time today and my skin already feels better. Double bonus that it was super relaxing. I will keep you posted on my love as time progresses but I think this is one relationship built for the long haul.


  1. Yup, I totally get it. I agree about movies and books. Maybe that is why we like them. Because through those stories, we get to live the lives we don't actually get to live in reality. You are right, in real life, things don't end all neatly tied up in a bow.

    I am sorry about "B." Why can't things just work out like we want them to? Just once? I wish I had the answer to that, but I struggle with that question every day.

  2. I care. I check your blog everyday to see if you had a post. Sounds sorta stalkerish. :) Since my marriage ended in similar fashion in October, you've given me hope that things will be ok. I hope you feel better.

  3. I still believe that the kind of love you see in the movies and on tv is possible. If you demand it, hold out for it and believe that you deserve it. And, the most important thing, you have to be willing to leave behind the people who aren't willing to give it to you, that's the hard part. You will have everything you're hoping for one day, we all will, have faith.

  4. Ugh, I'm sorry you are going through this right now. And I do think TV definitely over glamorizes it, but I do agree also with RondaMarie that it can be possible. When it's meant to. I guess I am speaking out of both sides right now, but I do think it's out there for you! Have fun in Vegas. I'm going next month for work. Too bad it doesn't coincide!

  5. Important questions:

    1. Are you dating again; and, if so
    2. How does one apply?

  6. Lol to gent!!! Go for it, girl! I agree with you, especially about Big and Carrie. I constantly thought my ex would wake up and see the light just like Big did. But then again, TV has to have some inspiration from real life, right?