My therapist said that this was going to be the year of firsts and so far there have been many.
A dating anniversary spent apart.
The first Easter apart.
First Memorial Weekend apart.
This weekend was probably the toughest thus far.
A year ago we were at the Lake with his friends. A weekend organized by one of my favorite couples. By New Year's they had split. I remember feeling so bad and commenting to MS2BX that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes you don't even when you are in the marriage. It was such a fun weekend last year.
This year was just me.
I got home from LA on Friday and got settled back in. Saturday was a massage and lunch with one of my favorite friends followed by pool time and grilling out with my best friend. There were beers consumed of course! Sunday was the day of over committing myself. I spent several hours at the pool with my best friend and then we headed to a BBQ in an eastern burb, a BBQ in a middle ground burb and then I headed back north to drinks on the deck of friends near my house.
I felt obligated to go out. To prove that I am doing okay. That I am not just home crying in the corner even though I am more often than not.
But today was my day. I slept in, fed the dogs, cleaned my room, put fresh sheets on, worked out, walked the dogs, watched the 90210 marathon and finally watched the 24 finale. It was so nice to just veg. To hole up in my home.
I don't know how much longer this will be my home so I want to be here as much as possible.