Saturday, May 16, 2009

Going Through a Divorce? Separated?

When this journey began for me I had no idea what was going on with my emotions. I have always been a person who was the rock for friends and family in times of crisis. I am rational to a fault.

Then my own life crumbled and I fell apart.

I would cry so hard I would fall to the ground and not be able to get up.

I wasn't eating or when I did eat I couldn't keep anything down. I lost 20 pounds in two weeks and I am a size 4. That is a lot of weight to lose at once. People would ask what I was doing, saying that I looked great...I couldn't respond with "oh, just got my heart stomped on and am barely functioning." So I would just shrug and say I didn't know, must be the time of year.

I blamed myself.

I pretended I was fine, that nothing was happening.

I bargained with God.

A friend sent me some articles that her mom sent her when she went through a divorce (completely different situation than mine but difficult nonetheless) and it helped me understand what I was going through. Much like death there is a grieving process to losing the life you planned.

So if you are separated or going through a divorce and struggling to understand your emotions I suggest checking out this article on grief. It gave perspective and I continue to refer back to it because you don't plow through the stages in order. Sometimes you bounce back and forth and it was good to learn that I was normal.

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