There are lots of things about me I haven't been able to bring myself to do recently. There are some things about me that were put on a shelf as I built a life with MS2BX.
I grew up showing horses. I had a horse when we met. She wasn't a good fit and she went back to the prior owner. I fully intended to find a more suitable match. Its been six years since I showed.
We fell in love and first there was a house to buy, then a wedding to plan, then a second house that was larger than the first and needed more furniture.
There always seemed to be something more important than me getting a horse again.
I used to love working out and making dinner. It was part of what I (we) did. I had a routine; I worked out, went to do work, made dinner for us, hung out with my husband - generally watching some TV show that we both enjoyed, watched GH at 9 p.m. and went to bed.
But since February I haven't worked out. I haven't made dinner.
So I am trying to employ the kaizen theory and make small changes; I am trying to get some form of physical exercise on a daily basis and am planning to cook meals for myself again. Starting with the things I can incorporate quickly and easily.
The physical exercise is starting to go well. I have worked out 5 of the last 7 days.
As far as cooking dinner, well, not so much. Tonight I had microwave popcorn while searching for divine inspiration in the form of a movie - Under the Tuscan Sun.
The movie was good and it reaffirmed my desire to do certain things in life. I want to see Italy though I will probably resist buying a broken down villa a la Diane Lane's character. But a cute house in the country? Count me in. I want to see Greece, go water skiing this summer, snow skiing and deer hunting in the winter...I want to buy a horse and start showing again.
These are things I want to do. These are things I haven't been able to do because before I had someone else to think about; what they wanted, what they liked. I focused on our goals and put our needs and wants ahead of mine.
But I can do these things now because I only have to answer to myself. Or at least I will be able to once the divorce is final.