Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Getting Back to Me

There are lots of things about me I haven't been able to bring myself to do recently. There are some things about me that were put on a shelf as I built a life with MS2BX.

I grew up showing horses. I had a horse when we met. She wasn't a good fit and she went back to the prior owner. I fully intended to find a more suitable match. Its been six years since I showed.

We fell in love and first there was a house to buy, then a wedding to plan, then a second house that was larger than the first and needed more furniture.

There always seemed to be something more important than me getting a horse again.

I used to love working out and making dinner. It was part of what I (we) did. I had a routine; I worked out, went to do work, made dinner for us, hung out with my husband - generally watching some TV show that we both enjoyed, watched GH at 9 p.m. and went to bed.

But since February I haven't worked out. I haven't made dinner.

So I am trying to employ the kaizen theory and make small changes; I am trying to get some form of physical exercise on a daily basis and am planning to cook meals for myself again. Starting with the things I can incorporate quickly and easily.

The physical exercise is starting to go well. I have worked out 5 of the last 7 days.

As far as cooking dinner, well, not so much. Tonight I had microwave popcorn while searching for divine inspiration in the form of a movie - Under the Tuscan Sun.

The movie was good and it reaffirmed my desire to do certain things in life. I want to see Italy though I will probably resist buying a broken down villa a la Diane Lane's character. But a cute house in the country? Count me in. I want to see Greece, go water skiing this summer, snow skiing and deer hunting in the winter...I want to buy a horse and start showing again.

These are things I want to do. These are things I haven't been able to do because before I had someone else to think about; what they wanted, what they liked. I focused on our goals and put our needs and wants ahead of mine.

But I can do these things now because I only have to answer to myself. Or at least I will be able to once the divorce is final.


  1. I think it's great you're doing something new each day, take it one step at the time. Working out always helps me feel better and work through some of the pent up emotions I have.

  2. Whoohoo! YES totally do all of these things.

    I am saving up for a big trip within the next year. I don't know the details yet but it's just for me.

  3. I seriously think you would be happier in the country. Horses, check. Deer hunting, check. Country music, since those are the only radio stations that come in out here, check.