I have always been an independent person. I love the fact that I can do things for myself and I rarely find a task that is too difficult for me to accomplish. That doesn't mean its easy or that doing it on my own goes as quickly as it would if I had assistance...its just that I can do things on my own. Often times I want to do things on my own just to prove I can. As I told K today, this post is what I aspire to be.
But 6 years together makes being alone an adjustment. Due to our travel schedules I was often alone. FOR A DAY OR TWO. The idea of being alone indefinitely? Strange.
I took for granted little things for granted like opening the air fresheners. I could do it. I just might have to try a few times. Changing batteries in the smoke detector? Possible for me, just uncomfortable at my height.
But the thing that is the hardest is the care of the dogs. No, dogs and cats aren't traditional children but they are my kids.
This morning I was greeted to my youngest throwing up at 2 a.m. Three hours before I needed to get up to head to the airport. She was fine but not having any support as I cleaned the mess...haunting.
Up until the day I received the letter I was training for a sprint triathlon. I worked out in the mornings leaving at 5:45. He woke up around 7 a.m. and locked the dogs up at 7:30 where they stayed until I returned from work around 5:30/6 with MS2BX trailing shortly behind. Now I feel guilty working out before or after work because it means the dogs are in their kennels longer. I would love to leave them out during the day but they love their kennels are their safe place and well, I would have no trim left in my home!
But its not a roadblock. Just an obstacle. The weather is nice in the midwest so I can get my cardio done in my neighborhood by running, biking or walking the dogs. I also have free weights and a good selection of workout dvd's and room in the house dedicated to working out. At least until the house sells...
I am going to focus on the positive. Maybe this is just an opportunity to save money by canceling my gym membership but I am forcing myself to get back to working out. Its like reclaiming a part of who I am. I may not be able to have the same routine but its good to get back to doing the things that I love.
My sister recommended the book One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer. Its about great change coming from small steps. I think this is a good philosophy for me as I am rebuilding from such life altering events.