2 Steps Forward, A Million Back

Last week my therapist said I was noticeably more animated. He felt I was making progress.

side note: I have always called tanning therapy. It justified my spending; those 10 isolated minutes in a bed a few times a week was way cheaper than a therapist. Plus by calling it therapy it wasn't so much darkening my skin and progressing towards cancer. So now that I have a therapist; is it just tanning? Do I now have to admit that I do it out of sheer vanity?

A reader commented that they had read the blog from start to finish and felt I was making progress.

I started to believe these things too.

Tonight I returned from seeing the new Star Trek (loved it) and checked my email when I saw it. An email from the wife of my MS2BX childhood best friend.

A couple we often double dated with and had even vacationed with in Mexico. Upon meeting for the first time our husbands concluded we were long lost twins so eerily similar in personality they found themselves relieved as both were afraid of us not getting along. Her name was even the same as the one my parents had initially planned for me. We had a similar addiction to a site for married people and love to chat about the frequent posters.

Her email subject was simple. "Doing okay?" Without opening the email I broke down and cried. I hadn't cried since Sunday when I pulled a "Charlotte." (a Sex & the City reference I will explain later)

Tears came fast and hard and I finally forced myself to read the email. She knew. She knew it had to be hard but wanted to check to see how I was.

How do you answer that? I know how these things work especially after what I have seen from his family. She and her husband will have to distance themselves from me because their loyalties lie with him. She will make friends with the new girlfriend and I will be a distant memory.

I answered honestly. I told her I had been thinking of her too but didn't think it was my place to reach out. That I would be lying if I said I was okay. That I love MS2BX more than anything but that this is what he wants and I can't stop him.

This is the first time I have heard from anyone that is from his side of things. The only person to reach out. I am glad it was over email. I am not sure I can handle it in person. At least not now.