It Just Keeps Getting Harder

I wake up every day determined to have a good day. To get through the day without getting upset but everyday it seems to just get harder.

Today it started with MS2BX telling me that I had promised him he would be served last week and this was so disappointing that he was now going to be served by the sheriff and that it hadn’t happened yet.

My response?

I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t. But please do not try and guilt trip me about promises. You have broken every promise you ever made me including ones you made before God, our families and our friends. You have broken my heart and my spirit. You have put me through more pain and suffering than I thought humanely possible. This is an extremely difficult situation. I am doing my best to keep it moving and to handle all of the coordination. So if you being served gets delayed by a week I am really sorry. It’s not like I have a lot of experience in dealing with these things. I am doing my best.

After that pleasant interaction and a debate about whether or not the court had received our filing (they have but kicked it out for additional information and its been subsequently resubmitted) I was onto the next unpleasant task.

MS2BX and I have (had) 3 nephews. We had savings account for the youngest two as the oldest had special needs and there were too many complications in doing so. They were accounts that we put money into every month (small like $5) and then bigger deposits for Christmas, birthdays etc.

Our intent was to give them to each boy when they went to college so they had money to pay their fraternity dues or play with (read: spend on beer at the bar) or if they were too irresponsible we were going to hold onto it until they were engaged and planning a wedding or for when they bought a house and we would let them use it for furniture or something.

Today I made out checks to MS2BX’s sister, a former best friend and the mother of the 3 boys, and wrote a note reminding her of our intent. Just like that I wrote the checks that were my last tie to the boys that I love so much.

So it just sucks. Not only do I lose my husband but I lose my 3 nephews, 2 of which were my god sons and a best friend.