Thursday, January 21, 2010

I Just Need You Now...

Everyday Adventures of Me in the City asks what are you missing now...

I am missing B.

Because I knew better.

And yes, you can miss someone even when you talked to them less than 24 hours ago. Because sometimes its just a change in the communication that makes it different. Makes it not us.

From the beginning I knew better than to get involved with you. But I was drawn to you even before I knew it. I just didn’t expect you to respond. I wanted to know everything about you. I wanted to be with you.

You did too. People had told you for years we were a good fit. When your marriage fell apart. When mine was just beginning. Seems people knew mine wouldn't/couldn't last.

How did they see what I didn't?

But then as soon as I was happy, as soon as I was were gone. And I knew that would happen.

But you made me believe in life again. You made me smile. You made me laugh.

8 days. Then you came back.

And I knew better. I knew better than to go down that path with you again. At least like this.

But I did it anyway. I couldn’t stay away. I tried.

We tried.

We will just be friends.

That is the way it has to be.

It was lasted two seconds. And the worst part is? I was happy. In that delusional world where I pretended…I was the happiest person in the world. Because you kissed me in a way I have never been kissed. You looked at me, really looked at me. You thought my picky taste buds were cute. You went out of your way to make me happy, to make me smile, to make me laugh.

You let me fall for you.

Head over heels fall for you.

You made me forget about the heartbreak I endured at the hands of MX.

And now...I miss everything.

Now I miss the way you looked at me, the way you kissed me, how you sent me pictures throughout your day, always feeling like I was with you even though I was 220 miles away. Good nights and good mornings. Checking to see what kind of day I was having. Joking about being right over for dinner. Coming to rescue me from being stranded something I have never been...but knowing if I were, you would be there.

Finding every way we could communicate; FB IM, BB Messenger, emails, text, phone calls. So that we were never apart – even when cell service was failing we found a way to be together. All the time. Just stopping to sleep. Barely.

But now that we aren’t supposed to be, I am left wondering if today, when I haven’t heard from you…is that the day that I am never going to hear from you again.

You don’t want to hear or say goodbye. But it's the way it has to be. At least for now.

But if things change...

I know I shouldn’t. But I know I would.

1 comment:

  1. Aww I'm sorry if my post made you feel bad or brought up emotions that made you feel down.