Dear Grammy's

Itunes should love you.

Because of you Grammy's, I have bought a lot of music this evening.

Sincerely,

StartingOver@28

Up in the Air

I went to see Clooney's latest film, Up in the Air, today.

It was quintessential Clooney. Lots of self deprecating humor.

It was incredibly depressing.

I LOVED it.

Maybe because I travel a lot? Maybe because I am apprehensive about being in a relationship again. Maybe because I don't seem to make smart decisions when it comes to guys...

Maybe because his desire to remain free of attachments resonates with this new me.

Maybe because I was once the overeager, life will go exactly my way because I planned it that way, 23 year old who tries to revolutionize their business practices.

But this exchange? It might just be one of the best in recent history.

Natalie Keener: Hungry much?
Ryan Bingham: Our business expense allots forty dollars each for dinner. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.
Natalie Keener: Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing. What is that about? You're talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?
Ryan Bingham: You really want to know?
Natalie Keener: I'm dying to know.
Ryan Bingham: I don't spend a nickel, if I can help it, unless it somehow profits my mileage account.
Natalie Keener: So, what are you saving up for? Hawaii? South of France?
Ryan Bingham: It's not like that. The miles are the goal.
Natalie Keener: That's it? You're saving just to save?
Ryan Bingham: Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Natalie Keener: That's a little abstract. What's the target?
Ryan Bingham: I'd rather not...
Natalie Keener: Is it a secret target?
Ryan Bingham: It's ten million miles.
Natalie Keener: Okay. Isn't ten million just a number?
Ryan Bingham: Pi's just a number.
Natalie Keener: Well, we all need a hobby. No, I- I- I don't mean to belittle your collection. I get it. It sounds cool.
Ryan Bingham: I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon. Natalie Keener: Do they throw you a parade?
Ryan Bingham: You get lifetime executive status. You get to meet the chief pilot, Maynard Finch.
Natalie Keener: Wow.
Ryan Bingham: And they put your name on the side of a plane.
Natalie Keener: Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.


Seriously. Such a boy thing to have a desire to pee on everything. Even if they choose not to go...they still want you to not do the things you have talked about.

F that.

Another Friday

A couple weeks ago I told you about the highlight of my Friday.

This week the highlight...

Buying a 40lb bag of dog food. Am I an exciting single chic or what?

So then I started thinking. Dangerous, right?

When I go to Petsmart why do I feel compelled to donate to their homeless pets fund?

Every. Single. Time.

I asked my sister about this and we came to the conclusion that its because 1. we love animals and 2. they are defenseless.

I don't give money to homeless people because they have a choice.

They can work.

I am totally jaded by those Dateline specials that expose people; educated, mentally stable people, who choose to not work but rather beg and not pay taxes. Because of them it keeps me from giving individuals money on the street.

I am much more inclined to provide food, warm clothing or blankets through various charitable organizations like Harvesters.

But animals? There is no one to help them unless we do.

I guess that is my soap box for the day. Do you give money to homeless people on the street? Or try and support them, like me, through specific charities?

Mind Racing

Me. Always wanted to ask me a question but not wanted to let me know who it was that asked? Go here and see what I say.

Working Out. Still loving my treadmill. Even last night when I didn't sleep well. I got up this a.m. and did a run/walk combo. Monday starts training. Training again for a 5k. Starting over.

Why do I always feel like I am starting over?

Boys. And B. So much there. Why can we talk about everything, absolutely everything, except for that one topic?

I think about you all the time.

I love talking to you.

I have lots of feelings for you.

Don't think like that.

Are you just there enough to keep me from moving on?

Concerts. In the last 2 days I have got tickets to Tim McGraw with Lady Antebellum, Rascal Flatts with my favorite Darius Rucker and Black Eyed Peas. I am currently on the prowl for tickets to the one and only Garth Brooks. Oh and if I can get reasonable Eric Clapton tickets I am in for that too. Oh and John Mayer? Sign me up.

I may have a problem. Apparently I need a part time job to support my concert habit.

What I Want Now

My birthday is rapidly approaching and I am thinking about purchasing two gifts for myself.

Because I need them.

Okay, maybe I want them.


First...Ray Ban Aviators.







Nothing says summer like these bad boys.

Second...new True Religion jeans.



Because they make my tush look so much better. Maybe not as good as above...but better.
Trust me.
And the ones I have...they are dying a painful, painful death.

I'm In Love

With my new treadmill.

Sole F63

I love you.

Now my dear Sole F63...if you can suddenly become 50 lbs lighter when MX comes over next so that its easier to move you I would love you even more!

K. Thanks. Bye.

25 Random Things

Before the revelation of the affair I succumbed to the FB craze and had a "note" with my 25 Random Things. Several of them had to do with MX so I immediately deleted the note as well as all the pictures of us.

But I miss those 25 Random Things. So since it would probably weird to suddenly add them to FB I thought I would do it here.

1. My parents named both myself and my sister so that it would "sound good over a loud speaker." Swear. We grew up showing horses so this was of vital importance.
2. A picture of me hung in the American Quarter Horse Museum in Amarillo, TX for 17 years.
3. I broke my arm when I was 3 years old because I fell off my 3 foot tall pony as he ducked under a gate. I fell into soft sand...but didn't cry until the doctors said they were going to have to cut off my shirt. It was my favorite.
4. I graduated college in 3 years. This is one of the biggest regrets of my life. I should have slowed down and enjoyed another year. But I was in a hurry and really poor so I had to get moving.
5. I am a meat & potatoes girl. I like my steak, preferably a filet, medium rare. I don't understand if you don't eat your steak medium rare. In fact, I probably think you are weird.
6. I think Bud Light (or Select) is the only alcohol that needs to exist.
7. Milk is the one thing I couldn't live without.
8. I love Kiefer Sutherland. I think he is the most attractive man in Hollywood. I love that he isn't perfect. My next dog will be named Bauer for his 24 character.
9. I once met Tanya Tucker in a bar. I was 12.
10. I have an incredible memory. Sometimes this is good; if you want to know what you wore on a particular day...I am your girl. But sometimes its bad; if you make me angry or hurt someone I love I will always remember and its hard for me to get past.
11. I believe that hard work will get you what you want. I wanted a college education. I had to pay for it. So I worked 4 jobs, while going to school full time, being an officer in my sorority, a Student Ambassador, and Fall & Summer Orientation Leader. I try to apply this level of dedication to everything.
12. If I could do one thing for the rest of my life I would show horses. I miss it so much and can't wait to get back to it.
13. I love to cook. But most of the time I end up making grilled cheese, pizza or a pbj.
14. I really want to have my own business. I just haven't figure out what it is just yet.
15. I'm obsessed with personal finance. I love it. But it stresses me out. I wonder if I have saved enough, will have enough...
16. I can't wait to move home and have a new house to decorate and settle into. As horrendous as the last year has been, I am so excited for the next chapter. Something good has to come out of this.
17. My animals are my kids. I can't imagine life without them. They brighten each and every day. I have already warned my sister that if I move to the country she will have to keep an eye on how many animals I have because I have such a bleeding heart for them. I can't stand to see an animal suffer.
18. I want to travel to Italy, Greece, Turks & Cacaos and Australia.
19. In the US I want to go to Montana, Wyoming and the Badlands.
20. At 5 feet 2 inches I am the tallest female in my family.
21. My sister is my hero. M is like a sister and therefore my other hero. They are both amazing. So strong and determined.
22. I have always thought I would die young. I don't know why.
23. My two favorite kinds of music are country and hip hop.
24. I went to kindergarten in a one room school house.
25. I am quite confident that me and my oldest friend, will always be friends. Even though I moved when I was 12 she always made sure we stayed in contact. Now that we are older and with email & FB its just that much easier and it turns out...we still like each other!

I Just Need You Now...

Everyday Adventures of Me in the City asks what are you missing now...

I am missing B.

Because I knew better.

And yes, you can miss someone even when you talked to them less than 24 hours ago. Because sometimes its just a change in the communication that makes it different. Makes it not us.

From the beginning I knew better than to get involved with you. But I was drawn to you even before I knew it. I just didn’t expect you to respond. I wanted to know everything about you. I wanted to be with you.

You did too. People had told you for years we were a good fit. When your marriage fell apart. When mine was just beginning. Seems people knew mine wouldn't/couldn't last.

How did they see what I didn't?

But then as soon as I was happy, as soon as I was sure..you were gone. And I knew that would happen.

But you made me believe in life again. You made me smile. You made me laugh.

8 days. Then you came back.

And I knew better. I knew better than to go down that path with you again. At least like this.

But I did it anyway. I couldn’t stay away. I tried.

We tried.

We will just be friends.

That is the way it has to be.

It was lasted two seconds. And the worst part is? I was happy. In that delusional world where I pretended…I was the happiest person in the world. Because you kissed me in a way I have never been kissed. You looked at me, really looked at me. You thought my picky taste buds were cute. You went out of your way to make me happy, to make me smile, to make me laugh.

You let me fall for you.

Head over heels fall for you.

You made me forget about the heartbreak I endured at the hands of MX.

And now...I miss everything.

Now I miss the way you looked at me, the way you kissed me, how you sent me pictures throughout your day, always feeling like I was with you even though I was 220 miles away. Good nights and good mornings. Checking to see what kind of day I was having. Joking about being right over for dinner. Coming to rescue me from being stranded something I have never been...but knowing if I were, you would be there.

Finding every way we could communicate; FB IM, BB Messenger, emails, text, phone calls. So that we were never apart – even when cell service was failing we found a way to be together. All the time. Just stopping to sleep. Barely.

But now that we aren’t supposed to be, I am left wondering if today, when I haven’t heard from you…is that the day that I am never going to hear from you again.

You don’t want to hear or say goodbye. But it's the way it has to be. At least for now.

But if things change...

I know I shouldn’t. But I know I would.

Working Towards a Vision

Today I accomplished a piece of my 2010 vision.

I am the proud new owner of the Sole F63 treadmill!

I am so excited about my purchase. I work in sales and we wrapped a fabulous quarter and this is what I am putting a part of my bonus towards.

I cannot wait to have this treadmill in my home. It means no more excuses. It means I can work out whenever I want.

It means I can work for the body I want.

It means I can run 3 5ks this year.

It means I can accomplish my vision.

Its No Wonder

It's no wonder I didn't want to come back to my house.

This time there are no visible changes to the interior of the house. Just the exterior.

The addition to a FSBO sign. One that I agreed to.

One that I wanted both our numbers to appear on. Preferably mine first since I live in the house.

He wanted his first.

I pled my case.

I used reason.

Thought.

I arrive home.

There is an FSBO sign. With his number on it.

Mine is no where to be found.

Please God. Let me out of this situation. Make it end. I wasn't the one that wanted this. I just want it over. I need it to be over.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I drive back "home."

Tomorrow I make a drive I don't want to make.

I want to stay.

I want to be here.

Make my life here.

I know everything happens for a reason.

I know it fall together when its supposed to...

But if it could fall together a little sooner that would be great.

Like now.

Can't get this out of my head...

Seriously

Just when I think MX can't hurt me anymore he does.

I just want out. I just want done.

I am at a point where I am considering draining my 401k, Roth, savings and checking to try and buy my way out.

It goes against everything I know. Everything I believe.

But if it gives me a way out. A way to rid myself of him...

Maybe I should do it.

I should have listened to K. I should held strong on not wanting the house. Made him take it.

I should have fought dirty. I shouldn't have focused on keeping things amicable.

Book 1 of 2010

My Husband's Sweethearts by Bridget Asher


My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Easy read but the plot is a bit of a stretch. I totally get the part about wanting to run away when your husband has an affair...but if you find out he is dying a certain death I doubt that a. your mother is there caring for him in your absence or b. that you fall in love with the estranged son.

View all my reviews >>

The Night I Almost Met Darius Rucker

The trip to Miami was amazing.

The sound of the ocean is soothing for the soul...

Monday was filled with conference sessions and an amazing key note speaker Ron Jaworski. He told tales of his career in the NFL and his experiences on Monday Night Football. A very engaging speaker even if you aren't the worlds biggest sports fan.

Monday night we had a yacht cruise with a poker tournament...and I got second! With a little group effort. But the best part? I won an iTouch! I have wanted an iPhone forever but since my work pays for my phone and I am well...cheap/frugal I thought I would never have one.

But this is the next best thing and so cool! I love it.

Tuesday was slam packed with meetings but then I got the news that I was hoping for...

I was going to meet Darius Rucker at a private meet and greet before our private concert at Mansion.

I was like a kid at Christmas. Excited would be an understatement.

We went for dinner at Sushi Samba but I couldn't really eat. I was too excited.

We were due to be there at 7:30.

The club was only a few blocks away.

7:30 came. 7:30 went. The others at dinner who would also meet him said it wouldn't start on time. We would be fine.

We got there at 8. It was over.

I was crushed. So sad.

But I was front row.

I got 2 guitar pics.

2 fist pumps.

I love him. He puts on such a good show!

Miami & 150

I am in Miami until Wednesday for work. That should be great right?

It is. Awesome hotel. And while the weather is warmer than home...its not south Florida weather. Boo. Was hoping for more sun and warmth.

But I love my hotel and the beautiful view of the ocean.

But the bar scene? Ick.

I am a reverse bar snob as I wrote back in May. Nicky Beach? Not my kind of place.

Paying $300 for a $40 bottle of Kettle One? Dumb. Who needs bottle service on a Sunday night? Who needs bottle service in general?

I mean, I do. In the form of a Bud Light (Select) bottle.

I can't believe this is my 150th post.

That people read this thing.

That I have survived.

This has been an amazing outlet for all of the things that go through my head. Here's to 150 more!

Right vs. Wrong

Why does doing the right thing. Staying away. Feel so wrong?

Because sometimes, no matter how right you are together, timing and circumstances won't allow for it to happen.

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause
I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one,
I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one,
I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now
I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now

Side Note: If anyone can share how to embed a youtube video, that would be great!

Productivity

I have done more around my house today than I have in months and its only a quarter til 1 p.m.

Is this what happens when you don't leave for the weekend?

Of course its not without consequence. I am missing a 60th birthday celebration with my family because tomorrow I have to leave on a work trip.

Bright side? I am heading to Miami where its 63 degrees!

Friday

If the highlight of your Friday is stopping at Target to purchase cat litter...

You may want to shoot yourself.

So much for a Carrie Bradshaw-meets-the-midwest-single-life-escapade for me!

Having Vision

I need to stay focused on the future.


Where my life is headed.


Where I want to be.


So I made a vision board. I'm not really sure why...but Oprah said its a good idea so...that means it is. Right?





These are things I want.

So my vision board for 2010 decoded...

The current house will sell, I will buy a new house in the state I love so dearly.
I will purchase a treadmill and will work hard to have a body like Eva Longoria.
I will find a fulfilling and challenging job that allows me to relocate.
I will focus on saving for things I want/need now and for retirement. Because I don't want to work forever.
I will get back to showing horses and I will enjoy some time on the beach.

So I am putting it here to keep me focused. To remind me that there is a reason for this madness. That I will get the things that I want. That I won't always be so far away from my family.

That I will be home soon.

An Amazing Christmas

I had an amazing Christmas for all the right reasons; surrounded by my amazing family and with great food to boot!

But it was also amazing because I got fabulous presents.


That's right. I said it.


I am 28 and I love getting presents.


Lots of them.

But I also love giving them...so to me...it balances out.

Right? Or is that just me?

So what did I get that I love?

The Pioneer Woman Cooks Cookbook


I highly recommend her Hot Artichoke Dip. Ah-maz-ing.

Love it.

Only modification was that I threw it in a crock pot.

My new Memorex Ipod Dock (similar, yet completely different than the one shown)

Oster Buffet Server (now I need to entertain in the house I can't seem to get rid of!)

Scrabble: Diamond Edition

This is where my total inner nerd/geek comes blazing to the surface. This is my all time favorite game.

Ever.

In history. And I am not done there...there was 30 minute massage, a new purse and some random cookbooks.

Seriously - I love cookbooks. If you have ones you swear by please leave it in the comments! Or if you have great cooking blogs you follow, suggest those too.

Last but not least...I have mentioned my 3 "kids" here before...I love them. But they shed.

A Lot.

My sister, at the recommendation of some of her friends, bought me a FURMINATOR. Its the best thing ever and I have no idea how I lived without it. It has reduced my pet hair so much! Love!

So thank you to everyone who made my Christmas so wonderful whether it was because of the gifts, your time or your friendship. It was great. I wasn't sad once. I was thankful to be with those that I love more than anything.

And M - I promise I won't miss another Christmas!

I Love Snow

I love winter.

I love snow.

I love it all.

I could be holed up in my house for weeks on end enjoying the cold, snowy weather.

Just make sure I have heat, internet and cable w/ HBO on demand.

New Year, Same Problems

The assumption didn't get approved so the house goes back on the market.

I still have to deal with him.

Deal with things like coming home and finding out my bedroom has been hijacked. There is new bedding and all sorts of knick knack crap in my room. My room. Where I sleep.

I just want him out of my life. For good.

Talked to a mutual friend today on FB (not one I would delete). He is a mortgage guy...said he can do the loan with no closing costs.

Tell MX.

He says he will talk to him but he doesn't want the house. Um, what was the point of the assumption?

Why can't you make a decision and stick with it?

Why can't I have my own life? A new life? Why can't I get away from him?

Decade in Review

In 2000 life was full of open ended possibility. I was ready to take on anything.

As 2010 I know that life doesn't always go as planned.

There have been many ups and downs but that is the sign of a life lived, so here is my decade in review.

• 2000 - finished up my first year of college and unlike many of my friends didn't move home over summer. Continued dating J, now in year 3 and traveled to Minneapolis for a big anniversary trip. Started second year of college and had lots of fun along the way.
• 2001 - end of second year and start of final year in college. Yes, graduating in 3 years is probably the dumbest thing I ever did. Became an officer in sorority and stayed involved on campus. Worked 4 jobs.
• 2002 - graduated from college, broke up with J, started at UPS, got Barley
• 2003 - promoted at UPS, met MX, started grad school, moved in with MX
• 2004 - went to Vegas for first time (now I have been there 20+ times), purchased 1st house with MX, got engaged, left UPS for current employer
• 2005 - finished my MBA, married MX, honeymooned in Jamaica, got Bella
• 2006 - G&M married, lost an amazing member of our crazy version of family, sold first home and bought second, 1st anniversary celebrated in Chicago
• 2007 - Krissi passed away (my cat of 19 years), promoted at work, got Duay the traveling cat, went to Mexico
• 2008 - went to Ozarks, Tampa, Nashville & Vegas with MX, G&M had A
• 2009 - found out MX was having an affair, divorced, StartedOver@28, got to know B better and even if we can't seem to find a smooth track am so happy to have him in my life.

I don't know what 2010 holds but I am hoping its an easier year than 2009. I am happy to close the chapter on the decade and start fresh.

Wishing you health & wealth in the new year!