What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?
I've never thought of this place as "my writing." It was just this blog. This thing that I did when I couldn't verbalize the feelings or the pain when MX left.
Over time it has developed into something bigger. Some days it is trivial and meaningless. Some days I hope I inspire someone to keep moving forward, show them that they are not alone, let them know there is hope.
But the one thing I do everyday that does not contribute to my writing...fear judgement.
Over time I have lost my anonymity with the blog. More personal friends and family know about it and at times I don't put everything out there because I fear what they may think. Fear their judgement or that they will interject themselves into a situation.
Not out of spite. Simply out of love.
No malice intended.
There are things I don't talk about, details not given.
Out of fear.
I could stop caring. I could write it all.
I could stop writing. I could let the fear cripple me. Stifle the writing process entirely.
But I won't. I will try to let down my guard and be as open and honest as possible. Let go of the fear of being judged.
Write it all because I am who I am and I cannot apologize for the decisions, right or wrong, that I have made.
They make me uniquely me.
I wholeheartedly support this. You should be able to let go and write what you feel without fear of judgement.
ReplyDeleteI don't blog anonymously, and I have wondered at what my family and friends think of my stark honesty. But I rationalized it because I have always wanted to be a writer, so if I realize that dream my "self" will be out there for the whole world to see anyway. I think being unapologetic for who we are and what we feel is an important part of this "moving on" process.
Nicely done with this post. I had many of the same fears you listed here, but I started off by publicly outing myself with the blog. My close friends and family knew what I was going through when I had the big breakup and I thought that getting my feelings down in blog format might help me achieve some form of clarity. It was difficult, but I learned so much about myself in the process, and, over time, I've learned that I want to be completely honest with myself even if it means I'm revealing too much or saying things some people may disagree with. Such is life sometimes and we can't make everyone happy... might as well start with ourselves :)
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck in the road ahead. It's scary and difficult but it sounds like you have it all figured out.
The blog space can be tough---it starts out so wonderfully, beautifully, peacefully anonymous...and then...well, you start letting people in. You become friends (REAL friends) with readers. You tell your family.
ReplyDeleteBut, no matter how the space itself changes, I think you've hit the nail on the head: your writing shouldn't. Fear can be a monstrous noose. I'm so glad you're not letting it strangle this lovely, unique voice of yours. :)
My blog is anonymous, and I often wonder if I would write the same things if people IRL read it. Probably not. But would I be devastated if they somehow stumbled upon it. Probably not. It's only the truth that I tell. I very much enjoy your blog, and I encourage the openness. I think it's when we bare all is when people can relate the most.
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ReplyDeleteI am glad you write. I am glad for your blog, your words, your honesty. And I am glad that you realize that your words DO give someone understanding that they are not alone, and most importantly HOPE. I don't comment alot, but read every single post. And you have gotten me through several very rough days..... :)
ReplyDeleteWow, we really are on the same wavelength on this!! Now I Get what your comment meant. (for some reason my reader wasn't showing I had new posts from you to read!! So behind!).
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