Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My Response

The following is what I have prepared to send to the Tribunal Council in response to the annulment request. It will be sent along with the 20 questions they sent for me to answer, copies of the letters I received informing me of the affair and various other forms of communication in support of the real reason our marriage ended.

It feels like it is all happening again.

To Whom It May Concern:

I received your request for information regarding the petition submitted by my former husband to annul our marriage. I adamantly oppose this request based upon the reason submitted. Our marriage didn’t end because I did not want children. Our marriage ended because my husband had a 6 month affair with a woman named (withheld because I choose to take the highroad) whom he chose to leave me for. They are still together today.

We married for the right reasons; we were in love and wanted to plan a life together. MX changed his mind.

I met MX the first time on March 1st, 2003. We spoke briefly and he made an impression as I did on him. We ran into each other nearly a month later on March 29th and he said this time he wasn’t going to let me get away. He insisted I agree to go on date with him the next day, March 30th. I agreed and we were soon inseparable. We were blissfully happy for 3 months when we hit a rough patch and separated for a week. We soon realized that we didn’t want to be without one another and reconciled. We didn’t want to be apart from one another again.

On August 26th, 2004 MX asked me to marry him. I had never been happier. We had attended church together often and I was confident that the Catholic Church was where we wanted to be married. I went through Catholic education classes and converted to Catholicism during Easter 2005. We married on August 20th, 2005 at Cathedral of Immaculate Conception with our friends and family present. This became the best day of my life. I married the most amazing man I had ever met, I married my best friend.

Like many young marriages we had our ups and downs. But I never doubted my husband. I knew I had found the partner I would spend my life with.

On August 18th, 2008 my husband came to me and said that he wanted children. While it wasn’t an idea that was at the top of my agenda I listened to what he had to say. From there we developed a three year plan. The plan was developed to meet both of our needs; we were to save $10,000 for emergencies, if this was accomplished by the summer of 2009 I would purchase a horse to show (a lifelong passion) and in April of 2010 we begin trying for a child to be born, God willing in 2011. We both agreed to this plan. Together.

On February 11th, 2009 my world changed forever. Upon my return from a business trip I received a letter. The letter stated that my husband was having an affair. That it had been going on for several months. That her name was (damn highroad).

I was in shock but my first instinct was to think that it was not true. That is was simply an unkind act from a jealous stranger. I called my husband and told him about the letter. He didn’t deny it. He said that it was true. That he loved her.

He told me that on August 16th 2008, while I was on a trip with my mom, he ran into her. That he had known her during undergrad and had always had intense feelings for her. The same night he ran into her at a bar in Kansas City, he went home with her. Three days later he told me he wanted kids and we made a plan. On the 20th we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.

On the 21st he called her and started their full blown affair.

Even after I learned of the affair I wanted to save my marriage. I do not believe in divorce. He told me he wanted to fight for our marriage. We went to counseling. I knew we would make it.

On February 28th, my birthday, he moved out. He said he couldn’t take it anymore. That he needed to leave. I begged him not to go.

On March 12th as we were preparing to head to a counseling appointment he asked for a divorce. I was devastated. I told him he was making a mistake. That he was being irrational.

He left anyway and I went home to be with my family. He wanted to talk on Sunday about filing for divorce and who would get what. But that Sunday, on the 15th he said he made a mistake. He said that a divorce wasn’t what he wanted and that if we could get through this he wanted to renew our vows in Italy. I asked to continue counseling. He refused.

Later in the month after checking our cell phone bill I found that he was still talking to her. I confronted him about it and he admitted that not only had he spoken with her over the phone but that he had seen her and slept with her. I asked if he could stop and truly commit to saving our marriage. He said he could and that he wanted to.

By April 5th he had changed his mind again. He wanted a divorce. This time he didn't change his mind.

This is what MX wanted and he should be held accountable for his actions. The marriage should not be annulled and it was not invalid. He chose to leave. He chose to end his marriage because of his lust for another woman. I believed in him and planned a life with him. That should not be erased.

3 comments:

  1. I know it probably was really hard for you to write this, but I am very glad that you did.

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  2. This is so brave. You need to send this letter, and all the documents that back this up. You need to do this for you, do not let this man take more from you than he has already taken. *big hugs*

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  3. entire letter full of grace.

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