Sunday, April 19, 2009

Tearing Apart Your Life One Piece of Furniture at a Time

On the 6th of April he came over to discuss the divorce. We spent six years building a life together and it took us one hour to split our life apart. We made lists of who got what, decided to sell the house and to file or divorce online.

File for divorce online. Unbelievable.

No wonder our nations divorce rate is 50%.

We were married in the Catholic church. We had to take marriage preparedness assessments, go to marriage preparation counseling and spend a weekend at an engaged encounter class. All that hour is all it took to rip it apart.

On the 9th he came over to move furniture for the carpets to be cleaned. It was our first step towards getting the house ready for sale. I lost it.

I wanted to know why I wasn't worth fighting for. How he could look at someone who is willing to forgive him, willing to give him everything he wants and loves him more than anything and just walk away.

He said he still loved me. But he just couldn't face my friends and family again. He said that he was happier without me because he could have Taco Bell for dinner or a can of tuna.

I told him that those weren't reasons to end a marriage.

But for him it is.

It hurts to be alone. It hurts to be rejected.

I went home for Easter and while it was great to be with my family I felt like I was surrounded by everything I will never have again. I was surrounded by happily married families. That is what we were supposed to have and now I won't.

Now the house is on the market and we are trying to determine when to file for divorce. Do we file before or after the house sells?

When do I get to begin living my life again? When do I get to stop feeling like a failure? When does the rebuilding actually begin?

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