Small Steps

I have made small steps.

I finally have Direct TV. Like a normal person I can watch my favorite shows. My trashy TV. My guilty pleasures.

I still don't have internet at an acceptable speed. An speed acceptable to my soon to be permenant employer.

 But I don't have B. I don't have that person that I turned to when my life turned into a comedy of errors. When things would go awry. When something made me laugh.

No one else quite gets that. I am sure someone...someday...will. Its just that, of all the people in my life today...right now...he is the only one that would.

And he isn't there.

Because of me.

But he has only been there for a year...why does it matter that he isn't there now?

Oh the Adventure

There is that poem from childhood about the adventures you will go on. You hear it then and you think - uh huh. Yep. Riight.

But at some point you look back and you realize it is a wild ride.  

Moving home has been a bit of that.

First the house that I rented had a flooded basement.

Direct TV wouldn't install service without written authorization from the owner.

Direct TV wouldn't install because it was raining.

The internet service I signed up for isn't fast enough for my job.

The internet service I signed up for isn't evening functioning at an acceptable speed.

That same service...will be canceled. Fingers crossed they let me out.

After my divorce I never got around to changing my name back on my passport since I had no where to go. Now the new job requires me to be in Canada in 3 weeks and I have to pay a rush fee. Oh and have my picture taken. With no makeup on and my hair all fuzzy.

I need to get my car registered but I left my car title in house that will not sell.

But all of these things, while frustrating, all amount to the same thing.

I am home.

Goodbye

I said goodbye and I didn't cry.

Instead I laughed and smiled and laughed again until it hurt. Fun is an understatement for the evening.

But most importantly I said goodbye.

I said goodbye to the fabulous friends I made in the last 17 years.

And said hello to my future.

Back home.

The Big Change

The festivities will start in just a short while.

 

Tomorrow I will make the drive home.

 

To start over.

 

A new chapter.

 

A chapter to begin again.

 

This chapter also means no more B.

 

The friendship was probably doomed from the start.

 

This time I will begin again. Without him.

My Last Night

Tonight is my last night in my house.

I don't leave this town until Saturday but since my going away party is in the city it requires me spending the night at a girlfriends, a pseudo slumber party if you will, whose home is a short cab ride from the venue.

I am trying to relax. Take it in. Enjoy my last moments in the house I thought may be my forever home.

And I hear voices.

I look outside and there on my deck are people trying to peer in the windows because the for sale/lease/rent agency told these people that the house is vacant.

I could not be more ready to get out of this godforsaken house.

The Cause of Death

The cause of my death may certainly come from finding an internet speed that sufficiently supports my home office.

Seriously.

The Final Countdown

Its my final week at the company I have spent 6 years working for.

Yet, I think I am denial.

I think I am in denial that I will not be there again.

That I won't see those people again.

That my desk will no longer be mine.

Someone else will occupy my space.

Someone else will take over my responsibilities.

I am not a fan of change. I run from it. I avoid it.

I like routine. I like stability.

But I am onto new challenges.

I am going home.

Midnight Madness

After a month off from running I ran Midnight Madness.

In the heat & humidity.

It took me forever. My pace was 12:03.

Someday I will make my goal of getting to 10 minute miles.

But we did it.

Afterwards there was a pasta feed and a beer garden. Who turns that down?

One more 5k to go and I will have another to scratch off the list!

#9, #21, #26

This darn list. Its hard. Hard to work through when you are busy living life. But then...it all starts coming together.

So I have a major guilt complex. Major.

Because of this I was never going to be able to move home unless I had a job. I needed a job so that I could pay my bills. The bills I am held to with MX and those and that I will have when I move. The costs of living my life, the lifestyle I have become accustomed to over the years. The obligations I have.

Those things all added up to one requirement. I needed a J-O-B. (#21)

I was offered a position that was neither what I set out looking for or what I planned to do. But it gets me home.

It gets me back to where I wanted to be.

And now, maybe...just maybe...there is another offer that will be made. Maybe.

I want it to be. Its ideal.

I just don't feel like its going to work for me. I feel as though its too good.

That I don't deserve it.

But last weekend, when everything started falling into place my family swept in and helped me move (#9). So as of July 17th I will be there full time.

I will be home.

And to thank my family for their kindness...I bought them all supper (#26).

Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to start living the life I want.

Book Review: Best Friends Forever

Best Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I read this book based on a comment Everyday Adventures of Me left regarding a prior book review. She was right. It was a great book. I loved it. I couldn't put it down. I just wanted to keep reading. They should make it into a movie. I only wish that Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson hadn't already starred together.

View all my reviews >>

Officially Official

I'm going home.

Notice has been given.

The party is planned.

Home. I can't wait...

I'm So Done

Everyone I know that has gotten a divorce has done so and been done.

Not me.

16 months after I found out and 9 months since the divorce was finalized I am still dealing with MX.

I live in the house we bought together after selling the one we built.

I sit on the furniture I selected and placed in our home.

I have to manage our joint accounts.

I have to take care of all the repairs and maintenance.

I have to endure phone calls when he says that I need to change my plans. That I am blowing our only shot. He expects me to change my plans to accommodate him.

I made plans with him once.

I changed my plans for him to make him happy.

I am not doing it anymore.

I just want out of this debacle. I want to move on. I don't want to have to deal with him anymore.

Please get him out of my life.