Where Did I Go?

Were you thinking that my bloggy world absence was caused by the possibility of a boy?

Well, it wasn't because really the demise of that would have been great blog fodder.

It's too bad really. He was very nice. We had fun.

It was just too much.

Too soon.

B's stage 5 meltdowns didn't help either, even if he shouldn't have a voice.

But B aside, it was too much.

Too soon.

And I told him that.

And he didn't get.

I said I wasn't saying never. Just not right now. I've been alone for a very long time and I need time to figure out what it is I want.

Do I even want a relationship after all?

He didn't get it.

He kept texting.

And texting.

And calling. 

Even when I wasn't responding.

Texting my friends trying to get information.

Which also turned into accusing me of sleeping with my best guy friend. Or if not him, it must be someone else, or was I diseased or pregnant?

Because it must be something if I didn't want to talk to him anymore.

No. I just need space.

I finally got 10 days of silence. I thought we could turn the page.

No, it turns out that over the holiday weekend he was texting my friend again and asking her for more and more information.

Asked best guy friend if he was the reason why I didn't want to talk anymore.

Then last night he made a comment. Which was followed by a text.

When I hadn't responded in 10 minutes I got another text basically going off on me. This went on until I finally had it. I said not nice things. That this type of behavior made me not want to talk to him again. Ever.

This type of reaction is not justified after 2 years. Let alone 2 weeks hanging out.

And this my friends is exactly why I am resigning from the dating world.

Read A Book? What?

I set a goal to read 30 books this year. I think I picked 30 as the number since I am 30.

But with 24 down now I am striving for 50 because with winter just around the corner I will just want to curl up on my sofa and read. 

So what have I been reading since I last shared?



The Brass Verdict by Michael Connelly
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Love legal books. Love Mickey Haller.








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The Reversal by Michael Connelly
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Good yet predictable.







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The Fifth Witness by Michael Connelly
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Good book that kept me intrigued but at the end felt very formulaic. I'm excited to see something new and different for Mickey Haller in his next book.





View all my reviews A Place of Yes by Bethenny Frankel
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I thought this book gives sound, frank advice about love and life. Amazing insights into her life as well.






View all my reviews All She Ever Wanted by Barbara Freethy
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Very good book. Quick read. Perfect for the pool or beach.






View all my reviews The Choice by Nicholas Sparks


My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Good book, beautiful love story but I'm afraid it could provide false hope to others in a similar situation.



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Everything Changes by Jonathan Tropper
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Another fabulous book by my favorite author. He can do no wrong in my opinion.






View all my reviews A Bump in the Road: From Happy Hour to Baby Shower by Maureen Lipinski
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Decidely honest book about life changes. I love the honesty in the authors voice ans was happy to see that it wasn't all roses.





View all my reviews If You Were Here: A Novel by Jen Lancaster
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Easy read in her total Jen Lancaster voice. I enjoy her witty snark.

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Overachieved

At 18 I graduated high school and entered college as a sophomore.
At 21 I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration with a concentration in Marketing and started my first sales job.
At 22 I received my first professional promotion.
At 23 I was engaged and purchased my first home.
At 24 I received my Masters in Business Administration and was married.
At 25 I purchased my second home.
At 26 I became a sales manager responsible for the development of various sales peoples careers and an annual business plan that meant hundreds of millions of dollars of revenue.
At 27 I thought I had the most perfect, well established life.
At 28 I discovered my husband had an affair and we divorced.
At 29 I moved back to my home area while simultaneously advancing my career and purchased my 3rd and likely forever home.

Do you see why at 30 I wonder if I have anything left to do in life?

Or is this it?

Have I achieved all that I have to achieve? Am I on the downward slope?

I'm not complaining. I've had a pretty cool life and with that some pretty crappy happenings. But that is what makes it life. Not a fairy tale.

But tonight I wonder what is next?

Random Thoughts/Musings on Life, Love and My Face

This post is going to be a bit random but it seems that I have spent more time taking pictures than writing as of late. Partially because I am editing myself and what I share about happenings with B and partially because I am just at that typical blogger impasse where I wonder if it even matters. Does anyone even care? If they do, why?

Moving on...bare in mind I am bit grumpy and the following is my opinion and mine only.

I blame TV.

I was talking with a friend recently who is going through her own breakup. After two years and much strain she put an end to the relationship. She and I were talking about the demise and how we try and focus on the good memories. She said maybe if she waited he would change, after all Big did for Carrie. I said that was the problem with TV/movies. They all leave us believing that people will change. That we will get a Hollywood ending. When really we should listen to what they tell us. Typically guys don't lie, we just don't listen when they don't say what we want to hear. The bad boy doesn't really change to good. The boy who broke your heart doesn't turn around and apologize because he realized he couldn't live without you.

Newsflash. That isn't life.

I think I hold onto relationships long after I should because I fear failing. I hate failing at anything. I am just sure that if I try hard enough, work hard enough they will work out. I stay because I believe. I believe because I want my happy ending. I want someone to curl up with, legs slipped over his lap while I hear about his day and telling him about mine. The hug when I come through the door, someone to welcome me home.

But maybe that isn't in the cards for me. At least its not my reality right now.

I'm sick of being involved. I'm sick of being reminded how much I laughed, smiled and plain got butterflies over every and any interaction. I miss him on a daily basis but I can't let it consume me. I have to stay away. He has. So that tells me that part of what I thought was there is not. And yes, that is what I asked for. It is what I say I want. So can I blame him for giving it to me?

But really what I want is change. The change that should have happened a year and a half ago. The one that has been discussed so many times but never happened. Because it never will. Not for me.

But unlike with MX I will not regret something that once made me smile.

No Strings Attached would have gotten it right if only they hadn't ended up together in the end. In real life, she would not have reciprocated his feelings. She would have said no. She would have broken his heart.

Stepping off soapbox now. Rant complete.

I'm headed to Vegas in 8 days. That means time by the pool, sun and fun. Sunglass Hut gift cards via my Discover Cashback bonus, are en route to replace the Ray Ban's lost in fun. Something to look forward to...Maybe I will win a little money and acquire the jeans I covet all mentioned in the prior post. They are all I have left on that list!

In other news...my favorite new things is my Olay ProX. I am terrible with my skin. I love to tan both in beds and in the sun. I don't wear sunscreen, I simply worship at the alter of bronzed skin. I get facials a couple times per year but lets face it. I am getting older. For $30 I jumped on it. I used it for the first time today and my skin already feels better. Double bonus that it was super relaxing. I will keep you posted on my love as time progresses but I think this is one relationship built for the long haul.

Day 37: Headed Home

40 minutes between flights and a Wendy's cheeseburger as I make my way home.

There is no place like home.

There is no place like home.

There is no place like home.

Side note: Why do all airports have such heinous carpet?

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Day 36: Dinner on the Road

Day 35: Work Travel

And so begins that packing process. Again!

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Day 32: Realism

The real side of being single. All salad plates and cereal bowls.

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Day 31: Comfort Food

Tough day. Personally and professionally. Nothing major, just changes and challenges.

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Day 30: Magically Delicious

My favorite cereal, Lucky Charms. I eat like a 5 year old.

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Day 29: Groomers

Back from the groomers and all spiffed up!

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Day 28: Workout Binder

When you eat like this:

You have to workout. I do not have healthy eating habits. My favorite foods are rich, creamy and fried. So I workout a lot to try and combat the effect that food has on my waistline. I am quasi effective.

In order to keep from getting bored I keep a workout binder on hand to change things up a bit. I read a lot of fitness and health magazines and when I see a workout I think would be fun/challenging/effective/hard/beneficial I rip it out. I had a fabulous binder about 2 years ago but lost it and have been slowly working on rebuilding. It has become my new Monday ritual.

So what do you need to get started?

A selection of magazines. While I use Shape, Women's Health and Health the most I pull workouts from anywhere. I have been known to use star workouts from US Weekly and routines/tips found in Glamour, InStyle and Real Simple.

Some friends to keep you company. 

Start tearing out the workouts you find interesting. 

Place the workouts in sheet protectors. 

And place in your pretty binder. 



I keep the various workouts organized inside the binder by utilizing tabs that keep them divided by body part. The tabs I use include:

• Abs
• Butt
• Arms
• Legs
• Full Body
• Bikini Body
• Running/Tri Plans
• Yoga

The binder goes with me to the gym and when I travel. Many of the workouts are designed to workout at home or with little to no equipment which makes them ideal for on the road.

Reader Notes:

Yes, the significance of the Surf Ballroom is that it is the place "Where Music Died." Great job. Gary Allan was my third concert at this historic location. If you like music history at all I recommend Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman. Great book.

Bud Light is a fabulous beer.

Day 27: Lazy Sunday

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Day 26: Whitetails

I am happy anywhere I go.

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Day 25: Music History

Bonus points for anyone who knows what significance the Surf hold in terms of music history.
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Day 24: Kenny Chesney

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Day 23: TRX Suspension Training

This could be the cause of my death.

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Day 22: A Movie Date

Typical day...
Work
Workout
Work more
(Catching on that I'm working out over my lunch hour?)
Clean my house
Call from my sister - want to see a movie?
Finish cleaning house
Mad dash to our new and improved Target (the mecca)
Lincoln Lawyer. So good. Go see it. Now!
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Day 21: Little Things

Work
Workout (12 min row, 30 min run, abs)
Work some more
Purchase concert tickets for April 23
Walk the dogs (1.5 miles)
Walk to tan
See B four times during walks
Exchange texts only comical to us
Grill a bacon cheddar burger, twice baked potato and cheesy corn
Clean the kitchen
Settle in to work on the workout binder (a 3 ring binder broken out into tabs for each body part or workout type and comprised of all the workouts I see in Women's Health, Shape or Health)
Listen to TV while reading my latest book on my Nook Color.

Little things make me happy.
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Day 17: March Madness

Tis the season! So far I'm entered in 2 pools, 1 more to go!

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