Sunday, October 31, 2010
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
There are not enough fabulous things to say about this book or the author who, coincidentally and unbeknownst to me when I'm Gonna Break Your Heart recommended it, wrote one of my favorite books - The Book of Joe.
The story is elegant in how it's told and yet so real. I know this family, I relate to them. I can see myself. It makes me set aside my own issues and remember that you need to see through the facade others project to ever get to know someone.
Everyone has issues. But our issues make us who we are.
This is by far the best book I have read in a long time.
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Tuesday, October 26, 2010
This is not a vacation in the traditional sense. There was no beach, no pool, no rest.
I went to the All American Quarter Horse Congress and watched.
Watched people do what I love.
Watched and wished it were me.
Watched and wanted nothing more than to be in the arena. Showing.
Not sitting on the sidelines.
So we started looking at all the things I need to get back into it.
So in no particular order are all the things that time, money and bling can solve:
- A horse
- A trainer
- An acreage for when the horse isn't at the trainers. This can't be just any acreage. I need a decent house and a building that is approximately 100 x 200 with heat and water. Do you know how many are currently for sale in my area? Zero. And if they were they would be more than I should spend to still be able to afford the horse and the expenses.
- A trailer, with living quarters, to haul said horse
- A truck to pull the trailer with the horse
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Each time I travel this pestering thought goes through my head...
I should teach people how to effectively navigate security.
I mean really people.
Do you really not know that you have to take your coat off?
That you must have liquids in a quart size baggie in containers that are 3 oz or less?
No that doesn't mean the venti Starbucks you bought outside security is exempt.
Nor does it mean you can bring a liter of shampoo on because there are only a few dollops remaining.
And yes, take off your watch and take out the change in your pocket. Sheesh.
It would do everyone a big favor if you had your ID and boarding pass out and ready to present to security. Don't stand there digging through your bag or briefcase while the idiot behind me rams me with his suitcase because he failed to see the line stopped.
Double bonus if you already have your laptop and liquids out.
And for heavens sake...DO NOT completely redress and repack when your items come through the conveyor. Gather your items and move to the benches. Otherwise you create backlog.
Don't be that guy.
If you wear a shoe that is that is difficult to take off...I may pummel you.
I slide through security with ease and effort.
And no, I don't want to talk to you. Not in line, not at the gate area and most certainly not on the plane.
The iPhone with earbuds is on purpose.
If you didn't get the hint, the book was the second indication I don't want to hear about your visit with Aunt Millie.
I love and loathe valet check.
Love because I'm not putting my suitcase up over my head. Loathe because no matter if I am on first, mid or last...I'm always the last bag to the jetway.
Just give me quiet and an Auntie Ann's pretzel and I'm a happy business traveler.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Case in point...
Went to fitness ceter to run this morning. Its cardio day and I need 4 miles.
There are 2 treadmills & 1 bike.
Bike & 1 tread occupied. The other...broken!
And neither occupant is getting off anytime soon.
I have to be in the office at 8. Meetings ALL day. Followed by 2 flights to my next destination.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Monday, October 18, 2010
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Decent book but at no point did I feel like I had to keep reading. It was there, I was available, but unless I had nothing else to do it wasn't being picked up.
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Sunday, October 17, 2010
Celebrate the end of the housing debacle with MX.
Celebrate the fact that for the first time in 6 years I don't have a mortgage payment.
Celebrate that for the first time in 4 months I am not paying mortgage and rent.
I'm not paying mortgage on a home I don't live in, in a state I do not reside with a man I am no longer married to.
Celebrate. With family & friends.
Friday started out low key. I had dinner with my mom and was curled up in bed, with both dogs and cat, by 10 p.m.
Saturday I awoke, wrote MX the check that ends this debacle & included the garage door opener. The last step in cutting the ties that bind.
I resisted the urge to send along a "Congratulations on your engagement" card.
I then drove an hour north to the lake to see my sisters cabin. Its darling and perfect and I hope to have the opportunity to sublet often next summer. We then went to lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings and saw Life As We Know It. Adorably predictable. A good Sunday napping movie for those that haven't seen it. But a perfect afternoon spent with the person who has supported me throughout the entire debacle.
I made the drive back home and messaged my oldest friend. I was able to see her adorable new puppy Mia, a great dane, and watch Iowa kick the tail out of Michigan.
We joked, me, my friend and her fiance about being lame. In bed by 10. Tired and worn out the evening before.
When I left their house that is where I headed once again.
Progress was made on my DVR and at 9:30 I was headed for bed. Until I got a message that said - if you haven't fallen asleep yet come join us. We are trying to make it to 10.
So off I went. We made it to 3 bar in 4 hours and for the record...you should not be able to peruse old yearbooks at the bar. Its just not right.
But we made it past 10.
Sunday I watched M & C run the DSM half. They did an amazing job. I was so proud of them.
The rest of the day was spent napping, cleaning, doing laundry and packing for my upcoming business trip and vacation.
A perfect weekend of celebrations with family and friends.
This is going to be a busy week. Which is good. I need to get my mind off missing someone I shouldn't.
Readers Note: the way the mirror debacle ended was that he didn't return it. So I deducted $500 off the payment I made him for taking the house. Not a perfect ending but an ending nonetheless.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
All the time.
I put my favorite sweatshirt on.
It's 10 years old.
Its a college sweatshirt. A sorority sweatshirt at that.
Its broken in. It's worn down.
It's everything I need.
It feels like a hug when there is no one around to give me one.
And sometimes there is no where else I would rather be than on my couch, in this sweatshirt with my dogs and cat.
Because the only other person that would fit here can't be.
Friday, October 15, 2010
I don't have to make another mortgage payment.
I don't have to deal with him.
The only details are the final utility bills and the closing of the joint account.
It is over.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
We learned things.
Like watching ThinTervention can cause you to make the following statements is slightly uncalled for and awkward social situations:
"I wasn't drinking. Except when I was drinking."
"You are a fat ugly little pig."
"I hate watching fat people."
It was a fun weekend. There was a tour.
My friends dubbed my new life, aka the place I came from originally, as close to Sweet Home Alabama as a town can get.
I like that.
One of them is ready to move here.
If only I can get her to either leave her husband or find him gainful employment. Oh, and get the pretty little grey house with black shutters to be for sale.
Then this week I went for a new experience. I tried bacon wrapped dates at Mercat during a business trip to Chicago.
This may seem inane to you. But me? Me trying a new food? That's big.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The person that wonders if this is all I have to expect from life in the future? Am I always going to be alone from here on out? Am I forever going to be "tagalong?" The one that either takes solo vacations or is the 3rd/5th/7th wheel on others trips?
Is that my life?
Or do I go and do the things I want?
Next summer, should I buy my own boat so I don't have to worry that someone will offer to take me on theirs?
Buying the horse is a no brainer, it will be mine.
But will that level of independence scare potentials off?
Do I care if it does?
The truth is that it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I am happy and the only one that can make me happy is...ME.
Monday, October 4, 2010
"The good thing about living in a small town is if you don't know what you are doing, someone else does."
""Letting go isn't about giving up. It's about accepting that there are things that cannot be."
"I don't want to lose you but I don't want to use you just to have someone by my side."
"You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on."
"If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it."
"Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power."
So I am chalking up today as a regression day so that I can move forward once again.
All of those old feelings.
Hurt. Loneliness. Unworthy. Disposable. Dejected. Rejected. Useless. Failure. Fool. Stupid. Seering Pain.
Right back to the surface.
Tears, flowing down my face.
I've got to remember that I deserve better. That I shouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't put me first.
Who doesn't want to be with me as badly as I want to be with them.
There is that saying...if I so badly wanted to be with the wrong person, imagine how great it will be when the right one comes along.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
The truth about why MX is finally ready to take the house.
They are engaged.
And I knew this day would come.
I thought I was prepared.
But it hurts.
And I cried.
I cried for the first time in a long time.
I'm not even sure where the tears came from.
But they are here.
It's 11:20 a.m.
I've watched 3 episodes of 90210 (the original) & NASCAR pre race coverage.
I let the dogs out.
I feed the dogs.
I ate 4 pieces of bacon, a piece of peanut butter toast and coffee with cinnamon vanilla creme which totals 567 calories of my allotted 1205 for the day.
What I am not doing is cleaning out the 2nd bedroom in preparation for my weekend visitors.
I'm not emptying my vehicle of the items I went south for yesterday. Or placing them in my home.
I'm not cleaning my house.
I'm not planning my workouts for next week.
I'm not doing anything but sit here.
Avoiding all of the things that need to be done.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
While en route I had many little nightmares. Opening the garage door and finding both their cars. Entering the house and finding pictures of them.
But that didn't happen.
What I found was that most of my things were piled in the kitchen ready for me to pick them up.
What I also found was that a mirror from Z Gallerie, a mirror that was the source of much debate as we finalized who received what, was gone. Missing.
Not in the house.
Not in any of the four bedrooms, not in the basement, storage, garage, livings rooms...GONE.
So I called MX.
Finally he called back.
"But I thought it was mine!"
Um, no. Please refer to the asset agreement, item number 14 under items the wife receives.
"Oh. Well, anyway about the refi."
I explained that I wanted the mirror. Today. Before I left town.
That is when MX told probably the most pathetic lie yet. "I gave it away to a friend. Its in their office."
Anyone who knows MX knows that he is cheap. He would never give anything away. Especially when he fought me during the divorce for the mirror.
He offered money. I refused. I want the mirror.
He text back. Can't get it. Sorry. Don't know what to say.
Finally I text him back and said I would withhold $500 from the money I am paying him to take the house unless the mirror is returned to me intact and in perfect condition.
If he doesn't like that I am more than happy to call the cops and report it stolen.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Since I moved home I have developed several new habits. Habits like going out on Fridays. Being more social.
Habits like going to the gym. CONSISTENTLY. A routine that includes, when I am not on the road for work, 3 days of cardio, 3 days of lifting and 2 nights of yoga.
Habits like tracking my calories. Losing 9 pounds.
Habits like taking back control of my spending. Tracking where I spend my money. Setting goals and practically worshiping at the alter of Ramit and his I Will Teach You to Be Rich principals.
But sometimes you revert back to what you know. Tonight I lay curled up on my couch with my dogs and the cat, catching up on mindless television shows that are stored on my DVR.
Its glorious. Its soothing. Its what I need. Today.